


The Cabin

by Liala



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Bathing/Washing, Canon Divergence, Date Night, Depression, Depressive Thoughts, Dream Sex, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I caved in to my sin, Joseph is a fucking tease, Knifeplay, Marking, Masturbation, Not Getting Caught, Oral Sex, Peaceful discussion, Pregnancy, Resist Ending, The deputy is tired and needs a hug, Trying For A Baby, Vaginal Sex, future smut, mentions of Joseph's childhood abuse, not overly detailed childbirth, slow dance, suicide mention (brief and non-graphic), voyeurism kinda?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-04-26 10:58:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14400723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liala/pseuds/Liala
Summary: After the death of John at her hands the deputy realises how far she has come and how much she has changed.  Seeking refuge in an isolated cabin fate or the Lord's will (as Joseph would call it.) bring you and your enemy together.  But when killing each other is off the table, something new forms between you over time.Joseph Seed/ Female Deputy (reader insert) - snippets throughout the game with some changes to the plot.





	1. Chapter 1

 

The first time he found you was after you had ended John's reign of terror.  Thanks to your efforts you had broken his control and liberated those trapped in the bunker.  Despite Hudson's protests you had preserved the bunker opening it to the families of the Resistance and changing the electronics and communication with the help of the local grease monkeys.  A few well placed explosives and to the Cult it looked like it had been destroyed.  Only a few knew differently.

 You hoped that the bunker would protect those who could not fight but with the news reports on the radio you feared something darker on the horizon.  Not that you could share your thoughts lest you sound like Joseph.

 The town of Hope Falls had celebrated your return with copious amounts of beer and music.  They knew there was still a long way to go but for tonight they were free.   You smiled like they expected you to and toasted to fallen comrades but you felt no joy in your actions.  You did what was needed to survive and to keep the peace.  But at a terrible personal emotional cost.  You did not mourn the loss of John and his sadistic ways instead you mourned the change you felt soul deep.  It had only taken months for you to become numb to murder.  Only a few weeks to kill on reflex and self preservation.  Yes you had protected the innocent but where was the idealistic rookie you once were?

 When the mood began to turn to more lecherous intentions you decided it was time to leave.  Scooping up a six pack of beer and restocking your ammunition you took a car and disappeared into the night.  You drove for an hour without a destination in mind and ended up finding a cabin in a decent condition far from the beaten track.  It had clearly been visited by both parties but the inside was clear of bloodstains and there were no bodies littering the lawn.  After a thorough check of the perimeter you set your pack down in the small space and fiddled with the small generator lighting up the small space.  There was a small living area linked to a kitchenette.  Off a short corridor was a bathroom and bedroom.  

 You sighed and relaxed into the couch giving yourself the space to relax.  Even with the resistance you couldn't relax knowing they wanted something from you.  Over the next hour you unpacked your bag fully for the first time in weeks placing food and rations in the mediocre fridge and sorting your ammunition into clips and scavenged Tupperware for easy storage.  Dinner was a warmed can of beans and some sausages you had bought in town and were filling as you cleaned your rifle and pistol thoroughly maintaining them and checking your bow.

 It took only a couple of hours for you to get tired of the quiet.  Thankfully your iPod had avoided most of the flying bullets and without the earphones plugged in the soft sound of your favourite artists filled the small space.  For a while you enjoyed yourself.  You showered in lukewarm water and wrote in a journal you scavenged.  It helped to log your thoughts and fears with something that couldn't judge you.  

 You were beginning to drift off to sleep when you heard the sound of a car approaching.  Pistol in hand you quickly wrapped yourself in a bulletproof vest and dimmed the lights.  Keeping low you headed to the window and peeked out.  A single figure stepped from the car but in the darkness of the deep wood you could barely make out who it was.  You weren't too deep in Peggie territory right?

 "I saw that we have a new bird in the nest and hoped I may visit and pray with the new arrival."

  _Oh fucking hell.  Of all the shitty luck..._  Taking a deep breath you stepped out into the night.

 "Fuck off Joseph.  There's no one here for you to save." You snapped tense once again.

 "Deputy?" He replied with a small hint of surprise.  "God works in mysterious ways leading me to you after your recent victory.  He moves us both with hands unseen."

 "Are you alone?" you queried.

 "I am, I don't always ride around with an honor guard in our land.  Besides, I did not expect it would be you."

 You sighed and holstered your weapon.  You were tired and didn't want to cause more bloodshed.  Joseph visibly relaxed seeing you didn't intend to kill him where he stood.

 "Stay or leave preacher.  I'm done fighting.  I just want to rest.  I'd appreciate if you didn't call your men here and force me to regret my choice."

 You turned your back on him and headed back inside turning the lights on once more.  A foolish choice in a way, if only you weren't so bone deep weary and tired.  Perhaps you should have picked up Boomer on the way over?  You filled the small kettle and rifled through the cupboards for any tea or coffee.  You had a feeling Joseph would not be able to walk away from an opportunity to convert you.  Sure enough, the front door creaked on it's hinges and you heard him step inside.

 "Welcome." You smiled weakly remembering your manners.  "As a sign of good faith I've put my weapons out of reach.  If you're going to stay I appreciate the same."

 "As you wish." He replied removing his pistol and leaving it by the door.  He took a seat in the armchair and carefully observed the room.

 "Do you want something to drink?  I found some tea and dry coffee or I got a couple of beers."

 "Tea please."

 You remained silent as you brewed a pot of tea and he hummed quietly to himself.  It was oddly calming and missed it when you placed the tea in front of him and opened a beer for yourself.

 "Thank you Deputy."  He smiled and you drank in silence.

 What were you meant to talk to the man about?

 "I know it's not worth much to you, but I am sorry I was forced to kill John.  If I had my way he would be in jail but at least alive.  Were you able to give him a proper funeral?"

 Joseph paused and watched you carefully numerous emotions flitting across his face.  "You were the one who prepared the body?"

 "I wrapped him and made the bouquet.  He cause a lot of pain to a lot of people but his family deserved a chance to say goodbye." you replied honestly.  

 "I thought my people had done it.  Thank you for returning him." he gritted out.  "But God will forgive me if my pain has yet to fade.  I have faith that he will guide me on the righteous path."

 Joseph continued to watch you.  You had always found his gaze intense and fought down your natural instinct to look away.  You would not be cowed by him as he worked out the enigma that was the Deputy.  You slowly sipped at your beer and returned to the book you were reading an attempt at nonchalance which was mostly a bluff.

 "Why do you continue to fight me if you abhor violence so much?"

 You sighed and bookmarked the page.  "Because I became a deputy to protect people.  Unnecessary or particularly brutal violence is being used to oppress in the county.  I use violence to protect the innocent and those who cannot defend themselves.  I'm not proud of my actions nor do I think I can ever be forgiven or return to a normal life after this.  But if I have saved even one person it'll be worth it."

 "God forgives all those who seek his forgiveness.  It sounds like you could do with a little faith."

 "That's the problem Preacher.  If I believed at all, all I would feel is anger for the suffering and pain he has caused me and countless others."

 "But-"

 "Don't!  Just... Don't.  I've heard it all before and my belief is the same."

 "Do you believe he even exists or are you truly a heathen?"

 You took a long sip of beer mulling over the idea.  "I guess I view there may be a higher power or something bigger in the universe but we just don't get along."  Joseph mirrored your sigh.  "Sorry Preacher not someone you can convert easily."

 "No but even the stubborn can be guided back to the Lord's embrace and I find myself intrigued by your challenge."  He stood and replaced the teacup.  "Thank you for the hospitality.  No one will come here after me, consider it my own peace offering."

 "Thank you Joseph.  May your God go with you." You replied implying that you wanted peace from faith but by the small smile at the corner of his mouth showed he interpreted it differently.

 And despite being your enemy, Joseph kept his word.

 It was the best rest you'd had in weeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After defeating Jacob the Deputy feels more and more alienated from those around her. Feeling pointless and depressed she heads to the cabin and finds a friend when she needs it most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are references to feeling worthless/depressed if that is a trigger for you.
> 
> Thank you for all your kind comments, I hope you enjoy this. I'm having fun writing it! I was going to wait but can't resist sharing more.

 

The second time you met he sought you out again.  You had fled from the mountains after Jacob's defeat and once again returned his body to Joseph.  You had given him his own bunch of flowers and placed a slain judge with him as a guard.  Sentimental for the man who had toyed and rewired your brain, but you needed to do something that reflected the person you were as who the fuck knew what you were like now?

 Your body ached and mentally you were broken.  As the mountain began to celebrate the Whitetails had a funeral of their own to organise.  Staci, Tammy and Wheaty lead the eulogy while you kept to yourself hidden at the back of the crowd.  You could feel the bristling of their concealed anger for your actions but Tammy had asked you to attend and you would do anything for her.  As the mourners wept and stories were traded you felt alienated.  Even Staci was finding some solace in the pack mentality but you...you felt like another beast entirely.  Neither Whitetail, nor a peacekeeper.  Jacob had turned you into a weapon and deep down you knew how easy it was to surrender.  In the night air your body began to stiffen, the many cuts on your body were breaking open.  You hadn't bothered to fix them.  It was becoming hard to find the energy to bother at all.

When you saw an opportunity you walked away into the night.  The drive over to the familiar shack was loud with the sounds of your inner venomous critic taunting and teasing you as weak despite the challenges you overcame.  But that was the truth wasn't it.  You were weak, you hurt and were lost.  Perhaps it would have been best if you had been culled.

Eventually you reached your haven but instead of settling in, instead you collapsed and curled into the corner.  You left your wounds untreated.  Feeling open and raw you cried, pouring out the weeks of suffering you had been put through.  The emotional burden  was  overwhelming.  You scratched at your head feeling as if Jacob still had his claws in you.

You didn't register another's presence until you felt hands on your arms.  On reflex you lashed out and pushed the intruder down ready to bring the knife you kept nearby into their throat...until you realised it was him.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, dropping the knife.  Tears fell anew and you curled into a ball again.  "I'm sorry."

You were breaking, the strain of the last few months beginning to tear you apart.  

"Deputy." Joseph spoke low and calm.  "I'm going to turn on the lights."  You still hadn't truly registered his presence until he knelt before you again.  "You are bleeding child.  Why have you not helped yourself?"

"Why bother?  They'll be opened again or new ones made.  Maybe I deserve it?  Maybe I should just disappear?  Cull the weak."

"Those are some dark thoughts with painful answers." He sighed.  "Once again you prove to be quite contradictory but instead I wonder if you are too kind for the Resistance or for war."

"Not kind, just weak." You responded on reflex keeping your face tucked into your knees.  "I'm not good company tonight, Joseph."

"I can see, but I felt compelled to see if you would return here and I have not been lead astray.  One of my flock needs my help and like the Samaritan, kindness I will give."

You lifted your head then staring into the depths of his blue eyes.  What did you hope to find there?  Hate?  Reassurance?  In fact he looked at you almost kindly, hands held out for you to take.  It would be easy to give in just this once but how much would he take?  Joseph seemed to sense your doubt but waited patiently until you eventually gave in.  With trembling hands you took his and he helped you stand.  The strength in his lithe frame surprised you as he guided you into the small bathroom and sat you on a small stool the owner kept in there.  

"Please remove your outer clothes, I'll return with a medical kit."

You nodded feeling bashful under his gaze but did as instructed removing your tattered bloodstained clothes and panicked realising some of it would have been Jacob's.  There was no salvaging the fabric so you threw them away and hoped Joseph would not notice.  Hearing the sound of running water you sat awkwardly on the chair  aware of the faded and stained state of your underwear.  Life on the run had been harsh and despite scavenging more of what you needed it wasn't the same as your favourite lingerie that made you feel beautiful.  You felt feral.

When Joseph returned his mannerism remained unaffected by the state of your dress and placed a bowl and med kid on the sink.  He hummed gently as he wrung out a cloth and you noticed he was topless, his pristine shirt removed.  With great care he helped you to your feet and guided you to the shower.

"Joseph I can wash myself."

"With respect deputy, I doubt that a single bowl will clean the dirt and the blood.  You are covered from head to toe." he replied kindly, you decided you found his gaze comforting.  

You looked down and truly took in the sight of yourself.  Raw wounds seeped over your skin mixing with the angry red and pink scars from the plethora of wounds you had gathered since arriving at hope county.  You had also lost weight with your irregular eating schedule and containment.  You were a shadow of your former self, not that you we prideful, but you liked your appearance.  Now you looked hollow.  The tears you had held back began to fall.

"Hush, hush." Joseph comforted cupping your cheeks and pressing his forehead against your own.  "Let out the pain, let out the sorrow."   

Gently he maneuvered you under the warm spray and held you upright as the water softened the muck that choked your skin.  For a moment you closed your eyes and were swept away by the sensations of the water on your skin.  You heard Joseph move around and you squeaked at the first press of the cloth against you skin startling you from the hypnotic spray.

"You don't have to." You whispered but he smiled and continued.  You squirmed under his firm but considerate touch unused to being cared for or human contact after the many months of isolation you had faced.  Each touch of the soft cloth stole your whole attention and sent your mind into freefall as he travelled further and further down your body.

"When did you first start believing you were chosen?" You asked needing to fill the suffocating silence.

"I first heard the voice when I was a young boy and didn't understand its purpose.  It was many years before I truly understood." He explained.  "Have you not read the book of Joseph?"

"Nope, I heard it's quite popular in a local cult." You smirked but noticed how serious Joseph was.  "No, I haven't.  I'm a little afraid."

"It would please me if you read it.  I am not giving up on you despite your reticence."

"I don't think you'd be good at your job otherwise." 

Joseph chuckled as he finished cleaning your ankles and feet before handing you a new cloth.  "I'm going to change the cloth if you could do your more... personal areas unless you would like my assistance?"

"No! No... I'm fine." you blushed and waved him away.  "Could you please get some fresh clothes from my bag?"

"Just give me a moment."  Joseph replied and disappeared once more returning shortly with clean underwear.  

Finally free from Joseph's gaze, you quickly stripped down and cleaned between your legs and your breasts relishing feeling clean for the first time in days.  After turning off the shower you stepped out onto the mat carefully on shaky legs and dried yourself before redressing.  Keeping hold of the towel like a lifeline you returned to the living room and perched on the Sofa.  Joseph was busy boiling water in the kitchen humming to himself before returning to sit before you.

"Painkillers and tea." he stated honestly placing the white pills in front of you with a tall glass..  "To help with the pain as I tend to your wounds."

"Thank you." you smiled taking the medicine gratefully.

Joseph worked in silence cleaning and bandaging your wounds in silence.  He was gentle but he couldn't hide how his eyes drifted back to the scarred "Wrath" on your chest.  

"Sorry," you whispered and he paused.

"What for?" he asked.  "A sin to confess?  Or the state of your body?"

"I don't know." you replied.  "I suppose all of me is a mess." you smiled weakly.  "I didn't have many scars beforehand.  Just one on my knee when I fell onto a garden rake.  But now...god I look like something from a horror film chewed on me...in fact that one is probably from one of Jacob's judges.  Those were some tough pooches."  you added finding filling the silence easier as he worked.  "That one was from when one of John's peggies bit me.  Father Jerome had to give me a tetanus shot.  This one was from peaches when we got a bit excited playing with a ball.   I'm babbling."

"I find it interesting." he smiled reassuringly.  "especially how durable you are.  All done." 

You thanked him and grabbed another shirt from your bag that you used as a night dress.  At this point Joseph had seen nearly all of you.  

"You should rest," he said making to leave.

"Wait, Joseph!" you called.  "Do you have a spare copy of the book?  I'll take a look as you helped me."

"I do." he held out his copy as you shuffled towards him.

"This is your only one isn't it important?" you fretted knowing the danger you no doubt would soon be facing.  "I wouldn't want to risk it being damaged."

"I know you will care for it Deputy, and it is not my personal copy.  Perhaps we could discuss it later?" he asked hopefully.

"It's a date!" you smiled and accepted the book your fingers brushing by accident.

There it was again that shiver of electricity between you and the undercurrent of something more.  You held his gaze, biting your lip to prevent you spilling more secrets as his look grew heated.

"Until next time, deputy."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind comments and interest! It's made me really happy to know you are enjoying this. I'm going to start introducing Joseph's perspective and will denote changes in perspective with a sub-heading.  
> Credit and thanks to joseph-the-daddy-seed for sharing the Book of Joseph on tumblr which I used to help with this!  
> Originally it was going to be a short and sinful piece but as everyone is enjoying it I'm rewriting to improve it and ensure it isn't a disappointment. So the next chapter may be a little slower.

**  Joseph **

 Another day of success for Eden's Gate despite the deputy getting involved and loss of his brothers.  He missed their company desperately and grieved every day missing their daily conversations.  Their family had always been a broken one.  Damaged and hurt by the people who should have protected them and when they were separated he had felt their loss keenly and spent years trying to reclaim his brothers.  Just when Eden's Gate was becoming prosperous and the family was reunited, the white horse had brought with him the calamity he had feared.

 Yet upon meeting you face to face away from any imminent danger he found you thoughtful, amusing and attractive.  Small gestures like your smirk or the way you but your lip in concentration garnered his whole attention.  He thought often on the conversations you shared and hoped that with time he could bring you over to his side and help you to see the bigger picture.  From experience he knew you were looking for something more by the way you accepted his presence and company.  But time was running out and he we was losing ground to the resistance and his children were dying.  However, against all reason you occupied his thoughts with growing frequency.  Even during his sermons he thought of you sitting amongst his children and watching him enraptured.  Lust was a sin he was familiar with, and the first night he dreamed of you he easily was tempted to sin again.  Your voice in pleasure still haunted his mind as he brought himself to completion.  Shame burned within him as he confessed in silent prayer.

_"Love me Joseph" you called for him with the voice like a siren.  "I want you, I need you."_

 He tried to resist temptation.  He tried to fight and push you away but you were always there until he fought no longer and gave in seeking your imagined warmth.  You always smiled for him welcoming him with open arms and affection.  He imagines your lips are soft and sweet as you kissed him with need wrapping your arms around his neck.  You took your time savouring his touch as he allowed his hands to roam and caress your sides and cupped your breasts.  He never knew when you both would become naked but your heat pressed against his own and encouraged his passion.

 "Beautiful...my angel...my reward..." he groaned in quiet praise as he trailed kisses down your body.  "My salvation." he added feeling hope in the smile you returned.  "All mine."

  _"All yours."_

 Time would hold no meaning as you made love, all that mattered was that you were together moving as one.  He had never felt so complete as to when he did in your embrace and he brought sweet rapture to your lips.

  _"I love you Joseph," you cooed in your ethereal voice.  "Complete me.  Take me with you to Eden's gate."_

 You both reached your peak together, fingers entwined as he pressed deep inside you filling you with his essence.  You held him close so that could hear the deep sound of your heartbeat that gradually became clearer.  Then he heard the voice.

 Joseph awoke again heart racing and body unsatisfied.  But it was not the thought of your touch that caused his heart to race but the fact the voice had spoken to him again.  In his joy and contentment it showed him purpose, showed him his reward for perseverance and he felt renewed.  He saw the path you both would walk together.  There would be pain, suffering and vindication but...but...if the voice was truthful as it had been his entire life then he knew.

 You were destined for each other.  For the first time since the loss of his brothers, he genuinely smiled.

  **The Deputy**

 Hunkered down in one of the cells in the Jailhouse, you took the opportunity to unwind.  Boomer was curled against your side on the small, uncomfortable cell bed.  Ideally, you wanted Cheeseburger as well but Sheriff Whitehorse had insisted it wasn't a good idea.  You had protested until you were blue in the face.  He wouldn't change his mind.  Cheeseburger was a sweetheart and one of three creatures that kept you sane.  Stroking Boomer's head you picked your brains for something to do.  Your ipod and power banks were on charge and the rest of the building was asleep.  

 Then you remembered your promise.

 Rummaging through your bag you pulled out the copy of the Book of Joseph he had given to you all those nights ago.  It had been a while since you relaxed so it was a perfect time to get some late night reading done.  Wrapping the cover in a fishing manual you balanced your torch on your shoulder and snuggled down to read.  Boomers soft whuff beside you bringing you comfort as you read the first words...

 " _If a person had been walking down..."_

You read avidly under the yellow light of your torch.  All credit to Joseph if the Prophet thing hadn't worked out he could have had a future as a publicist with the way the words flowed like honey.  But despite the smoothness and easy flow of his writing the contents were far from sugar coated.  Joseph spoke candidly of his childhood and the pain and suffering they suffered at the hands of his father.  It locked together pieces of the puzzle that was the Seed family and the pain that had formed them into the adults they were.   Everything made so much more sense.  Jacob's anger, John's luxuries and Joseph's determination.  They were the traits that helped them survive.  

 Did it excuse them from their actions?  No, you understood the difference between empathy and responsibility.  They had committed crimes and despite their shitty upbringing they needed to be stopped.  But the world had truly failed them and the cult was their hope of the family they had been denied.  It explained Joseph's kindness, he wanted to be the Father he didn't have, to lead the family he wanted and be loved and wanted wholly.  

 You snorted rousing Boomer beside you.

 "Sorry boy, go back to sleep." you apologised scratching behind his ear.

 It was uncanny how similar you were.  You had wanted to be loved and to belong and despite coming from a relatively normal family there was an absent emotional connection where love was on their terms and conditional.  You had sought that love elsewhere and even patient partners had grown tired of your fears.  Perhaps that's why you were growing more afraid of Joseph.  He offered comfort, affection and love freely making you feel important.  It was to give in and seek more.  It was a slippery slope to becoming indoctrinated and captured.  You were walking on a tightrope and more than your soul was at risk.  What would your indulgence cost you?

 You finished the book overnight scribbling notes to challenge or seek clarification with their creator.  But the gnawing feeling in your gut returned.  You were anxious, knowing that you were compromised emotionally.   Deep down you knew you shouldn't see Joseph again lest you risk being lead astray further, but you were fascinated. 

  _Curiosity killed the cat..._

** Joseph **

"Father come quickly!"  The calls of his children interrupted his prayers.  Stepping out from the chapel Joseph shielded his eyes from the midday sun.

 "What is the cause of this commotion?" he asked calmly stepping past the circle of men at the gate.

 A large grizzly bear with a collar covered in cheeseburgers was ambling around the entrance to the compound.  Normally the men would have shot it but this bear was different it had a white flag attached to it and a note attached to it's collar.  

"Get me a fish or something to bait it with." he asked and a cultist ran off.  

Slowly he walked towards the bear hands raised to calm and show he wasn't a threat.  When the soldier returned with a fresh side of salmon the bear perked up and shuffled closer.  Taking no risks Joseph dropped the fish and grabbed the note as soon as the fearsome beast was distracted.

_Hello Neighbour!  I've just finished a special book and would love to meet the author.  I live in a cabin in the woods that's very isolated and few know how to get to.  How about tonight?  - D._

_P.S.  Please tell Cheeseburger to 'go home' he is a sweetie!_

Joseph looked at the bear who was sniffing and prodding him with his nose and looked at the prophet with large amber eyes.  He smiled kindly.  "Go home Cheeseburger." he said and the bear growled and headed off back into the woods.

"Father are you alright?"

"Father?"

Joseph placated his frightened flock with grace and smiles, those gathered amazed at his fearlessness as he faced the bear that was the pet of the Deputy.  For Joseph it was all white noise.  The Deputy wished to see him again and he had a purpose.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph and The Deputy meet for a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you so much for your kind words!! I enjoyed writing this and having the imaginary conversation in my head. As we get closer to the end there will be some more canon divergence just as forewarning.  
> It's a little long I got carried away.  
> Enjoy!

**T** **he Deputy**

 

As expected Joseph arrived shortly after nightfall.  Much to your disappointment he had decided to wear clothes on his upper half and...had he trimmed his beard?  You giggled as you stirred the pan on the stove at the thought of the infamous Father fretting over his appearance.  Not that you were any better, your clothes were the cleanest you had with the fewest bullet holes and bloodstains.  You even wore the fanciest underclothes you owned (a racy black lace set).  Not that you were expecting him to see it over the course of the evening but it always paid to be prepared.  You had even shaved your legs.

Polite as ever Joseph knocked before entering and hung his coat by the door.  You resisted the urge to sigh as he wore the pristine white shirt and black waistcoat combination you had seen before.  Did the room get hotter all of a sudden?

"An interesting messenger Deputy."  Joseph commented with a smirk as he joined you in the kitchen.

"Well Cheeseburger is as cute as any angel." You replied with a smile.  "Good evening Joseph, did you have a productive day?"

"Yes actually, there were far fewer casualties today.  The fiendish sharpshooter who had been terrorising my Children must be ill." He teased.

"It's not my fault the others can't hit the offside of a barn." You chuckled.  "I'm sure normal service will resume shortly."

You continued to stir the stew, when you felt his presence behind you and you were acutely aware of his height.  

"What are you cooking?" He asked looking over your shoulder.  

"Venison stew." You replied offering up a spoon.  "Want to taste?" 

You stepped away freeing yourself from between Joseph and the oven returning to your other important meal preparation.  Using a cleaver you had scavenged you took the rest of the meat you had hunted and cut it into bite size chunks for Peaches.  Cheeseburger's fish and Boomer's dog food were already prepared.

"This is delicious." He praised and your cheeks reddened.  

"Thanks, I though you might like to eat.  First though I need help feeding my children" you smiled holding out the bucket of fish.

Warily, Joseph took the bucket and followed you out to the small garden area at the back of the house.  A single spotlight illuminated the space where a dog paced restlessly.

"Boomer!  Cheeseburger!  Peaches!" You called whistling, "Dinner time!" 

You waited patiently as there was rustling in the undergrowth.  Boomer was already sat waiting so you gave him his bowl and praised your good boy.  Next from the darkness waddled Cheeseburger who padded towards Joseph.

"Ah Cheeseburger." He stated sounding a little nervous.  

"Put the bucket of fish down he'll be fine." You instructed and he followed.  "You're such a good bear!" You added rubbing Cheeseburger's neck.  Joseph looked downright horrified at your easy going attitude.

Last to arrive was Peaches who approached cautiously and growled when Joseph moved.

"Stay still Joseph, Peaches is a good girl."  You stepped forward and poured the contents of the third bucked onto a silver tray.  "Be good kiddies, Mama needs to eat!"  you cheered and ushered Joseph ahead of you.

"What interesting children you have.  My heart is still pounding." He covered his heart in mock panic.  "How do you control them?"

"Love and respect mainly.  They are fearsome in their own way but I'm the boss.  We respect each other and have found we are good together."

"A bit like us?" He offered and you paused.  "We are both powerful leaders but through mutual respect we have a friendship of sorts."

You thought on his words and felt disturbed at how he was right. "I suppose so.  Bread?"

"Thank you."

 

**Joseph**

Joseph watched with a practiced expression of interest but internally he was unbalanced.  Seeing you in a domestic situation had cemented the visions he had been given of your future.  His heart raced not from the beasts in your garden but the thought of family.  He had to stop himself wrapping his arms around you and kissing your neck as you cooked.  Instead he satisfied himself with looking over your shoulder.

"Joseph?" You jolted him from his thoughts.  "You OK buddy?"

"I was distracted momentarily..."

"S'alright.  I was just saying are you wanting to say grace?  I'll wait till your done."

Joseph smiled feeling the warmth that coursed through him strengthen and he knew he was on the right path.  He said a few quiet words as the Deputy watched quietly and thanked her after.  The meal was delicious if simple and a comfort of home.  

"So you read the book?" He enquired.

"Yes, it was a surprisingly easy read, but I suppose you have a wide audience to attract.  Honestly, did you write it?  You didn't have a ghost writer?"

"I did, it was years of work and amendments.  What made you doubt it was me?"

"I didn't doubt but not all people who are eloquent verbally are the same in writing.  I can see why you're proud of it.  I read it overnight."

"I'm both eager and anxious to hear your thoughts." He mused.  You seemed to be in a positive mood and he couldn't tell which way the discussion would go.  

"I suppose so." You replied. 

"Let me clear the dishes and we can begin."

 

**The Deputy**

You sat on the sofa with your back against the chair arm and knees tucked in front of you and Joseph sat opposite. The atmosphere between you was tense.

"Honestly, I found it more insightful into you than as an answer to a mysterious question or hole in my heart.  Of your drives and perhaps what led you here.  In terms of the message...Well, if we are interested in truth; it divided me.  I can see and understand the message about those who suffer and the inactivity and greed of the rich.  Not gonna lie, it lost me at the potential impending apocalypse."

"Surely you have heard the radio?  Russia has gone silent the President flees his throne.  We are on the precipice of change.  A purge of the unfaithful."

"But isn't that just your narrative?  To you, this is God's hand cleansing the Earth.  To me it is the epitome of greed and the natural course of a blustering fool who thought he could be king.  Not the invisible hand of God.  Both narratives can be true but the perspective is different."

"Yet both can be guided by the hand of God."

"How do you know that?  How do you know he is making this happen?  How do you know it's not human action and cause?"

"Isn't it obvious?  Faith.  Faith guides us and it is through my Faith in God that I understand his actions.  I do not need more answers than he is willing to provide."

You sighed and rested your head on the back of the armchair.

"Doesn't it feel painful not knowing?  Living in constant uncertainty?"

"Does it hurt you?" he asked.

You thought for a moment as you searched for an answer in his eyes.  "It does.  There must be a reason or a cause we can identify.  We are the ones responsible for our fate.  Otherwise, what was the point in making plans? of dreams?"

"To live with free will is your test to see if you will turn away from his teachings.  If God told you what to do would you have listened or turned away?  If God lead you by the hand would it be your life at all?"

"You listened." you replied.

"That I did."  he stood and collected a glass of water and retrieved a coke for you.

"Do you regret it?" 

"Following God's plan?  No.  No I don't.  I have purpose.  I have suffered but through my guidance I will save others and prevent our extinction.  Even when I lost my brothers, even you, it is all part of his plan and his path.  Much is still a mystery to me but I have faith...I have faith and hope.  It was why I chose here as the place for life to begin again."

"I suppose it is comforting and freeing to not worry about consequence.  I wish I could be like that." you mused.

"How so?"

"There are always consequences Joseph.  At work, at home, with family and friends.  There are always consequences and repercussions.  Didn't smile right, punishment.  Didn't submit the report 'edited'; transfer time.  Navigating it and inferring what danger lies ahead helped me survive but the anxiety that gnaws at me..." you took a sip.  "It's a balancing act and a quest to find the answer to 'why'.  Though since I came here I have more questions than when I started."

 "Then why continue seeking answers if it brings you harm?  Why not have faith answers will come in time?"

 "I can't live not knowing." you smiled weakly, sadness behind your words.  "I can't live without having a reason for my actions."

 "Then for what reason are you here in Hope?"

 "It was just an arrest warrant." you sighed.  "It wasn't an act of war.  Fuck, if John was as good as you made him out to be in the book he could have walked you out of jail in hours!  But no.  Some devout follower decided to kill himself and here we are.  You see me as a destroyer and I...I..." you felt the tears welling.  "I wanted to live.  I wanted to survive and save my friends and ride off into the sunset and never look back.  But I can't.  I can't look away from suffering and people here are hurting.  Then suddenly I became a hero and a saviour"

 "Is that why you were transferred?  You said you didn't submit the report edited.  Was that because of injustice?"" helarified.

 "Yes.  There was an incident and the Officer with me at the time handled things inappropriately.  My CO tried to convince me to change my report and not besmirch the man's name as he was a decorated officer.  I couldn't.  I couldn't break my oath to serve and protect and I submitted the report unedited.  Within a couple of months I was transferred here.  'The Rookie'.  6 months in and this was my first big arrest. Shit luck huh?"

 "Or divine fate.  Have you seen the pilgrimage yet?"

 "No.  Should I?"

 "You'd see why this is fate and understand my fears." he sighed sadly.  "But you have no idea you are his messenger."

 "Probably 'cause I don't always listen."

 "In all that you have done since arriving here Deputy, is there nothing you have taken from my work?"

 You thought carefully for a moment and truly reflected.  What had you learned?  You had learned how to survive.  You had learned that people were fickle and you could be used but they could also love you without the need for proof or repayment.  You had learned you were lonely and tired.  You had learned about pain.

 "I have learned that you can be loved without conditions and that pain loses it's power over time when everything hurts.  I have learned that I am lonely and stubborn.  I have learned that I am an effective weapon and killing gets easier.  I have learned that talking can bridge gaps a bullet can't." you smiled.

 "Have faith that there is an end to our trials in sight.  It will be in fire and the world will be renewed but your fight has not been in vain.  Your purpose is to live."

 Joseph held his hand out to you and you took it entwining his fingers with your own.  His reassurance and genuine interest soothing the ache in your heart.

 "Why do you hurt so many people?  You could have achieved this without killing those in your way or killing those who would not join willingly."

 "Because in the coming days we will need everything we can scavenge to survive.  Events are moving faster than I imagined and even with the destruction of two bunkers the third must be adapted and ready.  Those who hinder us are not going to survive anyway and they are not worthy of the gift of Eden's Gate."

 "And that's why our paths are separate.  They are innocent, impending doom or not.  They do not understand your goals or beliefs, but when you use violence or fear as you have it is not a religious goal it's just murder."

 "I never asked them to kill on my behalf." he retorted defensively.

 "I don't think you did, but the others?  A whisper here?  A suggestion there?  Desperate people willing to do anything to please you?  Even if you didn't order it you permitted it to happen.  If they are your people then you share the responsibility."

 "I guided my children as their Father.  Their actions were their own in leading us to salvation."

 "Like your father guided you?"

 "Pardon?  That man never guided us!  All he did was beat and abuse us."

 "Yet John tortured and hurt people until they confessed...he carved sins into skin for fucks sake.  Jacob broke people's bodies and souls and rebuilt them through violence and starvation and Faith she poisons and twists their minds.  Hudson told me about how you would watch John terrorise and beat them as they begged.  Those actions are not love.  They are not the act of a true loving Father."

 "Everything I have done I have done for them."

 "Have you ever loved someone Joseph?  Truly?  A love without measure or condition?"

 "My wife..." he started but paused.

 You took his hand and squeezed gently.  "Because what struck me the most was that you're just as lonely as me and I don't know...I get the feeling the quest for your brothers, the creation of Eden's Gate.  Sounds like void you were trying to fill was love and it's never been enough or what you wanted or thought you deserved."

 Joseph stared blankly at you for a few minutes.  He blinked and he kept breathing but his intense gaze never left your own and he seemed flustered.

 "I never thought about it like that.  I found my brothers, I found my family."

 "But yet it's still not enough is it?  It isn't complete."

 "A lonely soul recognises another." he replied.

 "That it does." you yawned.  "Sorry."

 "It has been a long day, perhaps we should revisit this later, despite our differences it has been refreshing,"

 "I agree."

 You stood and followed Joseph to the door and waited as he slipped his jacket on.  As he turned to leave you acted on instinct and pulled him into a hug.  Joseph was startled and didn't reciprocate immediately but eventually his arms wrapped around you.

 "I'm sorry you have suffered.  Whether you think it was for the greater good or not.  You and your brothers didn't deserve it.  Any of it.  You deserve to find happiness but not at this cost." you mumbled.

 As you pulled away your eyes met and you were captured by the intense blue.  He held you close once more as you selfishly relished the kind touch of his embrace.  You sighed softly when he pressed a kiss to your forehead.  Ever the loving Father.

 "Thank you, sleep well Deputy.  May you find what you are looking for." he replied breaking the comforting silence. 

 You watched until the rear lights of his car were swallowed by the abyss of the night and you held your arms tightly.  You had your answers and there was no change in Joseph but in truth had you expected him to change his mind?  You were both immovable points in this story heading towards a point of no return. 

 If there was a God, you sent a silent demand for him to pull his shit together.  In case there wasn't a god listening, you needed a battle plan.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph takes a risk to see the Deputy and the tension reaches a breaking point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Consensual Sex, Knifeplay, Blood, Marking

 

Joseph

 

Again you had proven yourself the antagonist to his hero.  In following your friends wishes you had destroyed his statue that acted like a  cache and desecrated his writing.  Initially he was furious and demanded Faith increased her pressure on the you.  But in honesty he was disappointed more by your actions.  Disappointed that you had once more torn down his plans and it disappointed him that it was to please Sheriff Whitehorse.  He had seen how you hung on your superior's praise and he was disappointed at how much you craved it.  He needed to get you away from them and prove to you that you and he were meant to be.  But neither of you had spoken for weeks and he didn't have a well trained bear.  Chatter came through that the Resistance were having a celebration at the County Jail after the Deputy's triumphant actions.  It was risky but they would be inebriated and surrounded by strangers.  What better way to sneak in?

 

For the first time in years he removed the items that made him the Father.  Instead he wrapped himself in camo like Jacob, wore his hair loose and covered the lower half of his face with a mask.  It was like he was staring at his faceless self from the past.  Satisfied he headed to the jailhouse.  The Sheriff had allowed a celebration and they were truly letting loose.   He approached the entrance and was waved in as one of the visiting whitetails.  Rock music played from the speakers and there were bodies filling every space. The once empty walkways in front of the cells were filled with those celebrating and it was easy, if discomforting, for him to blend in with the crowd.  Joseph had spent many years alone and faceless.  Spurned and spat on by those who thought themselves better than him.  To return to anonymity was frightening, his power and status useless here. But he had to see you.

 

Time and again he challenged the vision seeking clarity.  Why was his enemy the one destined to be his?  He had scoured the scripture for answers and found none.  It was just destined to be.  You occupied his thoughts more and more especially after holding you close that night in the cabin.  You fit him perfectly and saw through his demons.  All that was left was to sway you to his side and find a way to save you.

 

Walking through an office he was greeted by a cheerful but forgettable older man who gave him a cougar badge to be part of the team before being ignored once more.  They didn't look closely but judging by the roar of the music and the revelry it wasn't important. It seemed like people from across the valley had come together.  His angel was popular.  

 

Joseph sighed and leaned against a wall.  His chest ached.  Envy, wrath, lust he counted his sins as he tried to scan the crowd.  He was afraid.  Seeing these people hunger for his Deputy's attention and affection sickened him.  They used and tainted you and then expected to take more and more.  Yet these were your 'friends' and he was the enemy.  Pushing through the crowds he eventually found you surrounded by your fellow deputies.  You were smiling and cheerful yet you were not as relaxed as you were in the Cabin.  The young deputy Jacob had taken to calling 'Peaches' hung on your every word and looked at you as if he was having a revelation.  Joseph gripped the railing tightly; wrath was ruling his mind and heart.  Peaches laughed loudly at something that was said and used the distraction to wrap an arm around your shoulders.  Joseph snarled and wanted to tear the man's hand away from what was his but he had worked too hard to get caught now.  

 

He could be patient.

 

The Deputy

 

The party was in full swing and with a couple of beers already circulating in your system you were certainly beginning to feel livelier.  It was great seeing everyone together even if it was a risk.  Their joy reminded you that you had done a good job despite how much Joseph believed otherwise.  The only downside was that their focus was entirely on you.  Staci in particular was hanging on your every word and flirting awkwardly.  A part of you felt guilty, he was cute and before all this madness maybe you would have gone on a date or two with him.  But now, your heart and head were distracted by the worst person possible.  As subtly as you could manage you slipped out from the hold Staci had around your waist and escaped towards your room.  There were too many people and you wanted to feed Peaches and Cheeseburger who were holed up outside.

 

Heading toward the Doctors office for your precious bag of animal treats you didn't notice the man in front of you until it was too late.  

 

"Oof!" 

 

"Shit! sorry!" you exclaimed checking over your obstacle.  "Are you...hey!" you exclaimed as you were pulled into a side room and pressed against the door by the same man you bumped into.  "Stop it!  Wait...Joseph?" you whispered recognising those eyes anywhere.

 

"Deputy." he replied.

 

"What in the almighty fuck are you doing here?" you growled "This isn't some David into the Lion's den shit?"

 

Joseph laughed, "No nothing so bold.  I wanted to talk and didn't have a messenger."

 

"Sure?  After the statue I thought...is there nothing I do that angers you?"

 

"Anger?  No Deputy, I'm just disappointed." he growled stepping closer his nose almost pressed against yours.  "Even moreso by the company you keep."

 

"People need a little light in their life sometimes." you retorted.  "You shouldn't stay here.  It's risky."

 

Joseph pulled the scarf that covered his face down.  It was dramatic how the loss of his trademark shades and man bun allowed him to blend in easier.  You almost hadn't recognised him except for his intense gaze.  In the light of the room you were both illuminated by the weak yellow light on the landing.  The only connection was where you held hands.  You took a deep breath and licked your lip.

 

Joseph

 

You had seen him.  Through his disguise and faceless presence you had seen him straight away and knew him.  His heart soared knowing he wasn't easily forgotten by you.  In the murkiness he saw your tongue flick to wet your lips and he warred with himself.  He wanted to taste you and claim your lips with a kiss showing these...miscreants who the Deputy belonged to...but he wanted more than something quick and fleeting in a cupboard.  Keeping your gaze he brought the hand the other man had defiled and kissed the exposed skin across you knuckles softly.  Your soft gasp the only indication you had felt it.  He placed another against your wrist where your pulse was.

 

"Joseph..." you gasped his name so sweetly.  It was better than he imagined it to be and brought him such joy to hear.  Slowly he pressed his kisses higher cleansing you of the other's touch.  He could feel the increase in your pulse rate and wished to unravel you more.  By the time he reached your neck you were pressed close against him and held him desperately.   He leisurely kissed and nipped the skin raising a dark but apparent hickey.  A childish act but one that brought him deep satisfaction.  "Jo-seph." you moaned.

 

"Come to the cabin tonight." he asked brushing his lips against your own but not quite closing the distance. "Please.  I know you don't want to be here."  

 

"I don't know I can get away."

 

"Try?  Please?"

 

"Goddammit Joseph Seed you are a fucking tease" you whined.

 

"Language." he hummed nipping his mark.  "I'll see you there?" he asked hopefully and you nodded.  "Go with the grace of God."

 

"Try not to get shot." you replied dryly.

 

The Deputy

An hour later you found yourself outside the familiar cabin.  Your face still burned with embarrassment when Hudson displayed your hickey for all to see.  You hadn't realised Joseph has marked you so vividly and had fended off questions as to who the suitor was.  At least Staci kept his hands to himself.  

 

Out of courtesy you knocked announcing your arrival before stepping inside.  The generator was already on and the cabin lit.  Willing your heartbeat to remain calm you stepped inside.  Joseph sat on the couch, shirtless and with his usual trademarked look.

 

"You came." he said softly.

 

"You asked." you replied.  "That should frighten me more than it does." you crossed the room and tossed your bag on the floor taking a seat on the couch.  "Thank you for the mark by the way, now all of the Resistance think I have a mysterious lover."  Joseph grinned wickedly.  "Oh my god that was your plan!" you shouted throwing a cushion at his head.  "You ass!"

 

"I don't know what you are talking about.  Joseph Seed was not at the County Jail tonight.  He would have been shot.  But perhaps if you have a Sin to confess then I will listen."

 

"Oh you smooth sonofa..."  

 

Your curse was muffled as Joseph kissed you silent pressing you into the sofa.  Your hands gripped his shoulders and traced the skin you could touch.  Joseph carefully cupped your face in his hands as if you were the most precious object he had been given.

 

"Language." he teased against your lips and you huffed.  "You are so beautiful." 

 

"Th-Thank you." you replied shyly adjusting yourself so Joseph was above you and your legs were not trapped.  "You are rather attractive yourself."

 

You gently caressed his cheek with the back of your hand.  He leaned into your touch as if he was starved for contact.  Opening your palm you mimicked his touch and smiled warmly.

 

Nothing with Joseph was fast.  As you kissed again, entwined on the sofa he kissed you as if there was nothing else in this world.  It was intoxicating.  You ran your hands over his body relishing the contact.  Your fingers danced over his scars as he traced the shape of your body.  You wrapped your leg around his hip pulling him closer as he deepened the kiss and your body ached for more.  It had been so long...and you wanted to be taken and claimed rather than being treated as if you could shatter.  But your body responded and you pressed yourself against him trying to seek more.  Joseph growled as you traced your hand down his abdomen abandoning the kiss to trail his lips down your neck littering the exposed skin with nips and sucks as you moaned his name softly.  

 

Joseph pulled away and looked down on you as his free hand teased the buttons of your shirt.

 

"Is this what you really want?  To sin and accept the consequences?" he growled.

 

"Is affection really a sin?" you replied wriggling out from underneath him.  You picked up your small bag and headed towards the bedroom pausing in the doorway.  "I want you Joseph, I shouldn't but I do.  I want this, do you?"

 

You stepped into the small room and turned on the lamp.  Joseph had yet to join you but you knew he would.  You stripped away your outer layers and retrieved a foil packet placing it on the bedside table.  

 

Joseph

 

Joseph waited after you left him on the couch as his conscience and desire warred within.  To succumb to his lust and claim what he has sought for weeks now or to remain on the path.  Your answer was clear.  You wanted him and he wanted you.  It was destiny, right?

 

Slowly he stepped towards the bedroom.  The rosary around his wrist felt heavy like a shackle as he reached the doorway and gazed upon you.  He didn't know what to expect, but finding you nervously perching on the edge of the bed he knew that this moment was right.  Change was upon you both and you were brought together for a reason.  You looked up at him so pretty in your underwear and shy as he pulled you to your feet and embraced you.  His Deputy.  Slowly he unwrapped the rosary from around his wrist placing it on the bedside table noticing the foil packet.   

 

He sighed and relaxed under your touch as you traced his scars and explored his body.  He relished your shiver as he explored the fresh scars of your own.  You had suffered too in your own way.  Both of you were marked and as he bared you completely and drank in your beauty.  Your hands were not idle either stripping him from his clothes and peppering his body with your kisses.  Gently you pressed him to the bed and straddled his waist nipping and sucking his exposed skin in the same manner he had marked you.  He could not help the sweet praise that left his lips as he pulled you up into a kiss.  Passion ignited between you and his hands could not touch and explore you quick enough.  He teased and kissed your breasts and sucked on each nipple harshly eliciting sounds that sounded angelic as you found your pleasure.

 

"Beautiful," he praised.  "Let me hear more." he begged as his hardened cock rubbed against your slit and felt the wetness gathering there.  "Perfection." he moaned as you kissed him roughly.

 

He knew you were growing desperate for more but he wished to worship and savour this moment.

 

"Patience is a virtue." He chided pulling you close against him for a kiss.  Your unsatisfied moan of complaint made him chuckle.

 

With gentle guidance he flipped your position so you were beneath him and he could explore you freely.  He sucked and teased the stiff peaks of your breasts and sucked numerous hickeys to every expanse of your skin.  His tongue traced your scars as you rocked beneath him seeking more but unable to do so.  Eventually he reached the apex of your thighs and pressed rough kisses and bites to the inside of your thighs as his thumb traced your slit deliberately avoiding your clit.

 

"Please Joseph, no more teasing..." You moaned running your fingers through his hair. 

 

"Patience." He chided before pressing his tongue against you.

 

Your voice was sweeter than his dreams.  It brought him great pleasure as he felt You tremble as he teased and kissed your folds.  With careful measured flicks of his tongue Joseph traced your clit as he pressed a finger within you.  He moaned as he found the right angle to rut his hips and stimulate his erection but was easily distracted by your moans and soft pleas.  He could keep this going for hours teasing you and keeping your body on a knife's edge of pleasure.  

 

"Please..." You begged.  "Please Joseph!"

 

"Soon." He replied moving to kiss you but you stopped him.

 

"Don't wanna taste me." You complained and he sighed seeing another chance at mischief.

 

Increasing the pace of his fingers within you he watched your reactions as he quickly teased your clit.  Compared to his languid pace before it was intense and you closed your eyes in the overwhelming pleasure.  He watched how euphoria took your features and pressed kisses against your breasts as you neared your peak.

 

Suddenly he stopped and watched the disappointment adorn your face.

 

"I need to wash my face." He stated with a smirk before leaving the room.

 

He heard your frustrated scream from across the cabin.

 

"Such a fucking tease Joseph Seed!" You growled at his return.  He couldn't help but feel pride at how disheveled you looked by his touch and the numerous marks he left on your skin.

 

"Patience is a virtue." He repeated and chuckled at your huff.

 

Climbing over you once more, he started kissing and nipping your shoulder trying to earn your forgiveness.    As he nuzzled against your neck you relented and pulled him into a heated kiss.  Your leg wrapped around his hip and drew him to press against your heat and he groaned aloud.

 

"You feel good." You moaned between kisses and he rocked back and forth against you.  "Please I need more...I want you to fuck me."

 

Joseph grabbed the foil packet and rolled on the condom before teasing your entrance and gently rubbing your clit.  You protested and arched trying to urge him inside you.  He wanted to claim you with the same ferocity of feeling you clearly showed him.  He wanted to make sure you knew how much you meant to him.  Instead he held onto his control, he wanted this to be special.

 

"No, my sweet deputy.  I won't fuck you.  I will make love to you."

 

Slowly he pressed within your warm heat, to finally feel you was intense.  He had dreamed of this moment for weeks and as he looked into your eyes ,foreheads pressed together, the moment was perfect.

 

"Give me a minute..." You whimpered.  "It's been a while." You bit your lip as you squeezed and fluttered around his length.

 

Holding you close against him, he wrapped your legs around his hips and gently rocked his hips.  He touched and caressed your body kissing and teasing your sensitive areas.

 

"You are so beautiful..." He praised.  " So tight, so sweet..."

 

"Fuck you're thick..." You moaned, nails biting into his shoulders.  

 

"So eloquent." He chuckled, pulling out further to fuck you deeper "My sweet Deputy."

 

How long had it been since he savoured another?  To feel desired?  He took great pleasure in drawing out your reactions and your need for him.  Each time you called his name he pressed a kiss to you heart hoping it would bury itself in there.  Each time you let your hands roam over his body he felt himself become yours and much as you were his and when you linked hands he knew this was meant to be.  Reaching between you he gently circled your clit knowing how close you were already.  With a gentle caress your walls began to flutter and you chanted his name with broken pleas.  He liked hearing you beg.

 

"That's it my angel, come for me." he hummed keeping his forehead against yours so that the he could see the moment you broke apart.

 

"Joseph...please...can't...please...Joseph."

 

"It's alright, I'm here..."

 

You came with a sharp cry of his name and holding onto him as if he was your anchor, your own pleasure heightening his own as he came within you.  His only regret being he couldn't plant his essence within you.  For a few minutes you both basked in a high stronger than bliss.  The emptiness that haunted him was fufiled.  He felt whole.  All his life he was seeking this...love.  He needed you to come with him to Eden's gate.  Slowly he eased from within your sensitive embrace and threw away the used condom before returning to the bed.  You had moved back to make space from him in the bed.  He climbed in beside you and found himself wrapped in your arms.

 

"Thank you, I enjoyed myself. " you giggled nuzzling against him.  "I don't know what it is between us, but I can't deny it.  Will you stay tonight?" you asked innocently.

 

"Of course." 

 

You smiled warmly and closed your eyes and Joseph watched as you fell asleep in his arms.  You looked so peaceful, the burdens of life lifted from you for just a short while.  He watched until sleep finally claimed you and he sent a silent prayer for you both.  He held you and dreamed about your future.  This was another step on your path to absolution and salvation at his side.  But as he imagined a life and a family with you he realised you had both made a mistake.

 

Shame gnawed at him as his thoughts led him to the sin you had both committed.  Though your desire had been mutual it was still a sin despite God's plan for you both.  First you both had to atone.  He absently traced the word lust carved above his pubis and knew he was the cause of its inspiration in you.  He knew then he was the one to absolve you both.  He only hoped you thought him kinder than John.

 

The Deputy

 

Consciousness came back to you in an instant.  Gone was the warmth of Joseph's embrace and instead the cold of night licked your exposed skin.  You were aware something was not right.  You tried to move but realised that your hands were bound above your head and Joseph was missing.  Panic set in as you struggled against your bonds but he had used sturdy metal handcuffs to secure you.  You must have been sleeping deeply.  You cursed yourself for being so stupid and trusting and listened carefully to the still night.  The beside lamp was lit but there was no other light in the room.  You heard soft prayer in the other room from Joseph.  Why had he tied you up?

 

"If you wanted something different you could have asked!" you called trying to hide behind bravado.  Joseph returned to you, hair still in disarray and his jeans undone.  The veneer of bravado died when you saw the knife in his hands.  "Joseph?" you hated how your voice betrayed your fear.

 

"Shhhhhh." he comforted stroking your hair.  "I'm going to save you."

 

"No, you're scaring me.  Please uncuff me."

 

"I'm doing this for your own good, for us.  So we can march to Eden's Gate together."

 

"You know I don't believe that Joseph.  This isn't funny, I thought we had something."

 

"So do I Deputy and I'm not joking.  I need to do this for us."  Joseph climbed over you pinning your hips by sitting on them.  "You are so beautiful and we have sinned, succumbing to our lust.  I asked if you were prepared for the consequences."

 

"I thought you meant our people hating us!  Or being outcasts!  Not this!  Please don't Joseph, this is a hard no.  Please, we can do this another way."

 

"I'm sorry my sweet." he said eyes filled with tears.  "But this is your atonement as well as mine.  I don't want to do this, but it will be a suitable penance." he stroked his own scarred word of lust.  "This brings me no pleasure, I will be as kind as I can be.  We will match in our sins."

 

You screamed and cursed and swore as he pressed the knife into the soft skin of your lower abdomen in a similar place to Joseph's own scar.  You rattled the chain and wriggled but Joseph's will was steel as he stretched the skin before cutting.  Each wound was more painful than the last.  It hurt more than when John marked you with wrath, but then again, you weren't fucking John.  You didn't feel anything for John, but as Joseph carried out his task, you felt the sharp pain of betrayal hit deep.  Your mind punishing you equally for being a foolish girl and for having hopes and dreams.  

 

By the time he finished Joseph was crying.  His hands that once held you with love were stained with your blood.  The pain in your heart and you abdomen had blended into one and what was left of your will dissipated.  Tears stained your cheeks and your throat was hoarse from your shouting.  I'm s _uch a fool._

_"_ Untie me Joseph." you croaked as an eerie calm took hold.  It was the same calm that ruled you when you ran for your life.  It was the one that kept you alive.

 

"I'm sorry," he croaked wiping his eyes.

 

You watched containing your rage as he tossed the blade out of reach and found the key to your handcuffs and freed your wrists.  He pressed soft kisses to the reddened flesh.  Too bad it freed your legs.  With a swift action you slammed your knee upwards kneeing him in the groin.  He howled and you pushed him away scrabbling for your clothes.  You didn't bother with underwear.  You just pulled on your jeans and shirt as you retrieved your bag.  

 

"Deputy?!"  Joseph chalked out through pained gasps.  "I did it for us."

"No Joseph, you did it for you."  The first tear fell.  "I was just fucking stupid for hoping that what we had was something different!  Something based on respect for our differences.  But I see now, I see I was just being naive.  God I'm an idiot." you winced as you aggravated your abdomen and your tears freely fell.  "It's over." 

 

You headed out into the living room and grabbed your boots as Joseph followed you out.  Thank fuck you packed your pistol pulling it out as he reached for you.

 

"DON'T!" you shouted pointing the gun at his head.  "You don't get to touch me anymore."

 

"We are destined to be together Deputy." Joseph continued, hands raised.  "The Voice showed us together, our love and..."

"ENOUGH JOSEPH!" you shouted.  "I'm so fucking pathetic." you mumbled.  "There is no more us.  I'm leaving and you aren't following me."

 

"Please." he begged on his knees.  "Please don't go."

 

"I tried begging you earlier.  You didn't listen.  I don't think I will either."

 

You kept your focus on him as you backed out of the cabin grateful you hadn't brought your full pack into the small space.  Your body was in agony and you felt light headed.  You climbed into the seat of the pickup you had arrived in careful not to apply to much pressure to you front.  Joseph watched you from the doorway silently pleading for you to stay.  Illuminated in the yellow light of the headlamps, hands covered in blood and tears streaming down his face you could see he was hurting.  It made no difference.  Turning around you drove off at speed eager to leave the spectre behind you.  But as you headed down the pitch black roads your grief and guilt finally struck.  What had you done?

 

Sanctuary was your first priority, but where could you go?  Your sin was branded on your skin for all to see and you knew if you went to either the Whitetails or The Spread Eagle there would only be questions.  For now you needed to get away before you truly broke down.

Dawn began to break over the horizon.  A new day, a new deputy.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! I really liked the idea of Joseph being insecure when not acting as The Father. It's his core identity and I love a good disguise.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Depressive thoughts, suicide mention.
> 
> Hoo-damn I finished the game today and man do I have feels. I've modified some of the dialogue but the showdown with Faith struck deep.  
> Back to work tomorrow so updates will be a little slower.

  **The Deputy**

 "Dutch!  Dutch!" you shouted from the entrance to the bunker.  "Where are you, you old fucker?"  You tried to grab the railing but your blood and sweat soaked hands slid causing you to fall.

 "Kid?" you heard Dutch reply and the thunderous sound of footprints.  "Hey Kid!  What the hell happened?"

 "Don't want to talk about it just yet.  Don't need more judgement."

 "Well you're bleeding, so let's start with that."  

 You tried to stand but your head was spinning Dutch scooped you up and carried you down the stairs. You snorted remembering how this all began as he carried you to the medical bay.  Gently he sat you on the edge of a bed and you lay back lifting your shirt and undoing the front of your jeans so he could access your injury.  You closed your eyes bracing yourself for the shame that was to come, but out of all the people in the valley Dutch at least was honest about how he used you.  The older man rummaged through the cupboard for some sterile gauze and antiseptic placing them by the bed before heading out to get clean water.

 "Let's see." he turned on the overhead lamp and put on his reading glasses.  "Rook?  Is there something you need to tell me?"

 "Nope" you lied wincing at the press of the damp cloth.  "Not at all."

 "Well I'll talk for both then.  I thought John was dead only he pulled that shit."

 "Wasn't John." you snapped biting your knuckle to stifle a cry.

 "Not Joseph no one's crazy enough to get near him.  You wouldn't...would you?" he asked but you could see in his eyes he'd already pieced the puzzle together.  "Oh Rook."

 "I told you, no judging." you hissed as he rubbed the antispetic over the wounds.  "I'm paying for it now."

 "Shit kid, I knew you were having a hard time but..."

 "But what?  That I'm crazy?  That I'm a traitor?  Please tell me my latest label because I'm getting a real collection here.  My favourite is the one you gave me.  A weapon for the resistance."

 "Pretty sure I called you a fuck up too."

 "Yeah, you pretty much did." you sighed.  "Seems that's all I am."

 "No you're not.  You've done more for us than anyone else and that buys you some leeway for dumb ideas.  Just was it consensual?"

 "Very." you blushed.

 "Kid did your Dad never tell you the equivalent of 'don't stick your dick in crazy'?"

 "Not really, not that I always listened." you sighed as he pressed and taped a gauze pad over the wound.

 "So was it just medical services you required or an exorcism too?"

 "Poor taste Dutch." you smirked.  

 "Hey, I didn't bang our worst enemy.  I've got free reign on ridicule here"

 "Asshole."

 "So I've been told." he chuckled.  "Why else are you here kid?"

 "We need to get them ready for war.  I think the end is in sight and we need to be prepared."

 "Alright kid, I'm listening."

 

**Joseph**

 Joseph returned to his compound desolate and angry.  Your blood still coated his hands and when he closed his eyes he could still feel the sting of the scratches made by your nails and the scent of your body against his.  He had done the just thing in ensuring you were free from sin yet you had spurned him so cruelly.  He thought you understood what needed to be done.  He thought you accepted him.  But no, once more you proved stubborn and callous to the distress you caused.  A lieutenant met him at the entrance to the chapel but quickly backed away when he asked for solitude.

He entered the chapel where it all began and sought guidance.  He had hurt you because he loved you, why didn't you understand that?  Why were you not seeing your part in the plan?  He prayed and prayed even when his skin began to itch from your flaking blood and his knees cried out for respite he prayed and prayed until the dawn had broken and the first worshipers came for his sermon.  Drying his eyes, he lead his people with the same conviction with which he had prayed moments earlier.  If they found his state of dress unusual none remarked on it and this time he avoided meeting them afterwards.  Instead he headed to his room ready to wash away the evidence of your actions.  

The warm water of the shower stung at your scratch marks as he relived the entire evening.  Your sweet smile, the press of your lips against his skin...the feeling of completion.  He knew then you were destined to be.  But more and more he was questioning the cost demanded of him by the Lord.  New plans needed to be made and further safeguards placed around Faith.  He could not lose her as well.

"Joseph?" he heard her musical voice call through the door.  "Are you well?"

"I will be Faith, we must prepare for the Deputy's wrath." he sighed allowing her entrance to his room.

"But she loves you!" giggled the younger woman.  "She has listened to me through the bliss.  Why would we face her wrath?"

"Because she is stubborn and I was too hasty." he sighed holding his sister close.  Faith was all that remained.  "You must convince her Faith.  She won't see me again."

"Of course Joseph, I know just who has been holding her back."

"Oh Faith, so unwavering." he smiled before kissing her forehead.  "Do not fail me now."

 

**The Deputy**

"We need to shore up the stockpiles at the other two bunkers and make sure all of the families are in or near the bunker."

"Do you think he's that close to the edge?"

"I don't know, but I've nearly conquered Faith's area and I doubt he's going to take that lying down." you stroked your stomach absentmindedly.  "We should also shore up your bunker."

"Why me?  I got enough for an old man."

"I was hoping you'd let me stay with you."

"I know I got the space Kid, but you got plenty of friends out there." 

You sighed heavily not believing him for a second.  When was the last time they called you purely out of concern for your well being?  They only bothered to ask when they wanted something.  When was the last time they listened?  Besides, Jacob had turned you into a weapon.  Killing was as easy as breathing.  Life was never going to be the same again. "I don't."  was the only reply you managed to articulate.

Dutch watched you passively as you lay back on the leather sofa.  You certainly weren't the Rookie he remembered.  "Alright kid so how do we get all this gear in?"

"Scouring all the Prepper stashes, taking Peggie shit and using Nick Rye and Daughter for more specific items.  I can pilot too."

"You know you are sure beginning to sound a little crazy."

"Like you and the other preppers?" you mocked.

"Damn right." he chuckled.  "Alright, we'll start in the morning."

 

** One week later...The Deputy **

"Nothing like a good beer and some fishing." Growled Dutch beside you.  You had both had a tough week.  Your wound was healing nicely and the other members of the Resistance had been co-operative so far with your plan.  For now you were keeping a low profile and trying hard not to aggravate your wound.  Anything that involved stretching tore them open again.  You darkly thought Joseph would like that as it would make the scar more permanent and visible.  Swigging down the lukewarm beer you lay back in the deckchair and tugged at the line.  

The more time you and Dutch spent together the more you found each other's company enjoyable.  You didn't push for awkward conversations and he didn't call you names.  Between his paranoia and your knowledge of the valley you had devised a viable plan for survival.  But you each had your own demons to bear.

"Why him Rook?" Dutch asked breaking the silence of the early evening.

"Joseph?" You asked and he nodded.  "It honestly wasn't intended." You sighed.  "When I killed John I sent his body back to his family and I headed to a cabin to get some space.  Joseph thought I was new in the valley and we got talking.  It was civil and a little nice." You took another swig of beer.  "The second time was after I killed Jacob, I went to the same place and he found me."

"But why go back?"

"Maybe I hoped he would find me.". You started out onto the horizon.  "John was a brute and an effective torturer but Jacob...he could take you apart and put you back together again and you would thank him for it as if it was a kindness.  He made killing a reflex, trained me until I broke like a fucking dog and praised me...and I liked it.  I wanted him to praise me and I couldn't stop it." Tears fell silently.  "If Joseph hadn't come that night I...I'd have done something I may have regretted."

"What about the others that came with you?  Haven't they noticed?"

"They're broken Dutch.  Everything the Seed's did to your people they did to us tenfold.  Hudson, Pratt, they're not themselves anymore.  Their pain isn't mine.  They haven't had both gauntlets inflicted on them nor have they had to struggle to survive on scavenged food and sleeping in dead men's beds.  Besides, I'm just a tool.  I kill and I protect the people in the hope justice prevails.  And for what?  'come by anytime?'  None of them have checked on me since I saved their asses."

"But they would if you called them Kid."

"What if I don't want to call them?  What if I wanted them to call me?  To think of me beyond this idea I am an immortal peacekeeper.  That's why Joseph and I... He looked at me as if I mattered, as if he genuinely cared if I existed or not and like a fucking idiot I fell for it because for the first time in months I was wanted and I craved more."  You pulled you cap down over your eyes.  "I just wanted to be loved for more than how well I kill..."

"You are loved kid," he replied patting you on the head.  "You are loved."

You cried your heart out as the sunset and the lines were slack.  Dutch comforted you in his quiet way.  But as night fell you looked across the water to where Joseph's compound was and deep down you craved his safe embrace again.

 

**Four Weeks Later...The Deputy**

"Hey kid, you there?"  Dutch crackled through the radio as you cleared the Peggie's out of the Fly shop.  "Good to hear you cleared the fly shop, place is an institution.  Thought I'd let you know that the Valley is fully stocked and the Whitetails are nice and cosy with their new jumpers."

"Thanks Dutch" you radioed back.  "Then all that's left is Faith and Joseph."  You instinctively ran your hand below your belly button where his mark was healing.  "Just gotta wait for her to come for me."

"Be safe kid."

You started towards the County Jail, Peaches and Cheeseburger at your side.  It was a beautiful day and perhaps after reporting in to Sheriff you would spend some time fishing.  The melancholy that stalked your thoughts was currently held at bay by Boomer and being constantly on the move.  It was on the empty nights you missed being wanted and loved.  You knew it was ridiculous how easily you fell to the need to be touched but Joseph had re-awoken something in you and now you hungered.

As for the Father himself, he had not revealed himself to you since that night and all contact had stopped after Faith brought you to him in the Bliss.  If that was actually him at all.  It was almost time for your plans to come to a head.

_"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice..."  The familiar ethereal voice called out as you walked towards the Jail.  "None of us are perfect.  We all...make mistakes from time to time.  Even myself."_

_"_ Well I guess we're both disappointed."

_"He's disappointed." she replied.  "He hurts because you deny what you both know."  you remained silent.  "I thought we were coming to an understanding.  Foolishly, I thought we were building trust."_

"Trust is earned, not induced through drugs." you snapped.

_"We shall see when you come to me again."_

You felt the bliss bullet impact your shoulder knocking you to the ground.  As the bliss took hold you swore vengeance.  When you awoke it was in front of a scene you hoped was unreal.  The Marshall and Virgil were playing cards together and as Faith began to speak you saw the horrifying drama unfold.  Faith's voice was a blur as you tried to stop the Marshall but were rooted in place.  Anger burned through you like the fires of hell.  Yes you made your choice but so did she!  

As the bliss faded away you ignored the visions of Faith as you tore through the countryside.  Jacob's training kicked in as you tore through anyone who got in your way. Aim, shoot, kill, aim, shoot, kill, aim, shoot, kill.  You were focused entirely on getting inside and saving what you could.  You could not lose anyone else.  Climbing up to the roof Faith taunted you again but you didn't give her time to speak blowing away the apparition with a single shot from your rifle.  

Inside was a mess, the walkways which we filled with revelers the last time you were here were now empty and bloodied.  As you snapped the neck of the nearest Peggie you gazed over the edge and saw some survivors.  Systematically and without mercy you carved you way through the enemy leaving no-one alive.  If only it had been so simple.  The will of the Cougars had been broken with Virgil's death and without the Sheriff there was no way to regroup.  All that was left was Faith herself.  With Tracey's demand in mind you headed out to fight the demon in your head.

 

 

There was no way you were coming back from this place alive.

As you looked over the Bliss hellscape that belonged to Faith you felt the drug take root within you.  It twisted and distorted what you knew and what was real.  

_"Your Sheriff kept you from walking the path with Joseph.  Now he understands it's purpose."_

"To indoctrinate and poison minds."

_"Your Sheriff was a wall.  A wall between you and The Father."_

"Joseph doesn't need help building walls between us." you retorted.  "He know exactly why we're apart."

_"But don't you see his truth?  The world is failing and we are faced with a difficult choice.  It's going exactly as he planned.  Can't you see it?  He loves you enough to spare you."_

"Then that is his mistake."

You fought against the invisible bonds that held you raising a copy of your machine gun.  But much to your dismay the bullets passed through her as she burst into a cloud of Bliss.  one by one you took out her copies as she tried to convince you to change your ways.  She tried to prove Joseph right but your heart was closed to her words.  As the fight progressed Faith grew desperate but as you numbed yourself to the pain and sought only the goal. 

_"It's not my fault!   None of this was my fault!  You think I wanted this?  He plied me with drugs...He threatened me...I was seventeen...just a child..."_

"I'm sorry Faith, I really am for what he did.  But it doesn't change the fact you did these things.  Surrender and I can get you help and protect you from him"

_"No, you can't because he's right and you're so blind!" she screamed._

Taking the final shot you the world shifted again and Faith stood at the water's edge.  

_"You still don't understand.  You don't know what it is you're doing do you?"_

"I'm protecting people Faith, I'm not the cause of the apocalypse.  There are far more important people than me."

_"Joseph believes he's our saviour.  But you'll be the one who decides what happens.  You were the start.  You'll be the end."_

"Why me!  I'm no-one."

_"The collapse was prophesied to follow a White Horse and the Sheriff brought you and everything he built has falling apart.  He is broken and you are the cause."_

"No, I don't believe it."

_"And that's the problem." smiled Faith sadly.  She stepped forward and you took her hand holding her close in her final moments.  "I'm scared.  It was always going to happen this way, you'll walk the path, rescue the Sheriff and be a hero..."_

 "I'm no hero, just afraid."

  _"You'll be the one to choose."_

 You cried for the broken girl as Faith was no more.  

 The current seemed to welcome her like Opheilia in it's embrace and carried her away from you as her final words stung.  You were not a hero, nor a monster.  You weren't the harbinger of the apocalypse.  You just wanted to go home.  The world did not hang on your choice.  You were free...weren't you?

Standing slowly, you dusted yourself off and headed for the path.  You had a Sheriff to save.

 

** Joseph **

He knew something was wrong from the moment he woke that day.  A niggling feeling gnawing at his gut telling him that something horrific would happen that day.  He spoke to Faith and shared a tense meal.  He could tell she was worrying about you in her own way.  As the day waned he heard the shouts of his men outside and he knew.  He knew before he got to the riverbank, he knew before the men on the boat lifted her out and he knew before the bunker exploded.  You had taken from him again.

He didn't hesitate to head to the cabin.

 

** The Deputy **

Everything was too intense.  The smallest of sounds grated like nails on a chalkboard.  The sun was too bright and the Sheriff wasn't quiet.  The man felt the need to fill the void with talk for his own reassurance but you did not.  The bunker had been hell.  You saw friends and enemies alive and dead.  You saw Joseph and his kindness, his love and welcoming embrace but had to spurn it.  You could still hear his voice tormenting you, your cheeks stained with tears as your mind and soul were broken again.  You pulled up to the front of the County Jail without saying anything.  You weren't going to stay.  Their praise felt like knives digging under your skin.  You were broken, you were a weapon, you were a tool, you were the devil, you were the end of days...

"Rook?" asked the Sheriff quietly.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"Y'know there was a moment, just before you arrived, I'd lost all hope, I couldn't see a way out.  A lot of good people died, but everyone here, all of us, we're alive because of you and I'm damn proud of you.  Now I want you to find that goddamned Joseph Seed and either arrest him or put him in the ground."

"What about me?" you asked quietly but he didn't hear.  The Sheriff was already across the compound.  It was all so hollow and pointless.  

 

You knew where you needed to go.

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourself.
> 
> For reference the song that Dep listened to is "I believe" by Christina Perri

  **The Deputy**

You arrived at the cabin shortly before nightfall.  There was no sign of any other visitors.  Climbing from the car you limped towards the familiar sanctuary.  Your wounds were still fresh and you needed to clean up.  Entering the familiar space you placed your weapons on the kitchen table.  There would be no use for them tonight.

Stripping off, you stepped into the shower and let it wash away the evidence of your misdeeds.  Your head ached from the constant exposure to bliss and you kept slipping into the recent memories that twisted and taunted you.  Refreshed and wrapped in clean clothes you grabbed your first aid box and searched for painkillers.  You swallowed the pills and lay out on the sofa.  You were not sure if Joseph would come, nor were you sure if you cared.  You had taken everything away from him, his family that he worked so hard to reform, his bunkers and his people.  You were his monster and perhaps finally he would bring your story to an end.  

You plugged your phone and ipod in to charge.  You still didn't get much signal but it worked enough to see the photos you had saved.  Would you even recognise yourself anymore?  Sitting in the armchair facing the door you plugged in your headphones and waited.

You sang along absentmindedly in the quiet of the cabin.

_"I believe if I knew where I was going I’d lose my way_

_I believe that the words that he told you are not your grave_

_I know that we are not the weight of all our memories_

_I believe in the things that I am afraid to say_

_Hold on, hold on"_

The words of the song seemed to be speaking to you directly.  You were alone now, no one understood your anguish.  You sung the words and took them to heart.  You repeated and sang the words like your own prayer to whatever was watching over you.  It strengthened you and brought you back to Earth as it had done repeatedly through heartbreaks and anguish.

_"I am still alive."_  

You cried and bawled and sang the song repeatedly  til your throat stung and you needed water to drink.  You could survive this, you were still alive.  Hold on.  All you had to do was hold on.

 

**Joseph**

Joseph stood hidden in the doorway.  He had arrived minutes earlier but when he stepped through the door and heard your singing it made him pause.  He heard you pain and sorrow and the words you sung that made you stronger.  He stayed and listened as if you were his personal choir and let it wash through him blending with his own sorrow.  But as you stopped singing he knew he could put off this confrontation no longer.

"Hello Joseph." She welcomed him with a soft smile and even in her grief she still looked angelic.  "I guess it's time huh?"

"Deputy." He greeted stiffly.  Every instinct in his body wanted to attack her and make her pay for her crimes against his family.  His jaw ached from grinding his teeth and he felt the fire of his wrath creep towards his heart steeling himself for what he must do.  "Time for what?" He said through gritted teeth.

"To end this charade." You walked to the table and picked up your customised pistol.  The red of its metal reflected the anger of its user.  

He flinched expecting you to strike like the snake that you were and finally end the Seed family.  He despised how you had stolen what had taken him years to reclaim and in that moment he knew he could kill you despite whatever plans the Lord had in store.  You must have sensed his anger and concern and held the gun so that the handle was facing him and the barrel was aimed at your chest.  He stared confused by your actions until she took his hand and wrapped it around the handle and stepped away.

 

**The Deputy**

"I'm ready." You said calmly as you let your fingers trail over his.  

You knew Joseph would be angry at the loss of Faith.  It was clear in his reddened eyes and tense movements.  He was angry and could you blame him?  Empathy was both your greatest skill and weakness.  You understood his pain and understood that you were the villain in his story but you didn't regret your actions not would you apologise.  It was too late for that now.  

You both had done despicable things in order to protect what you held dear and both of you thought it was just.  The only difference was in the source of your conviction.  Justice vs. Faith.  You vs. Joseph.  It always came back to you both.  You had spent many nights ruminating on his idea of destiny.  You had read his book, walked the path and heard him speak and now at the end of your journey you saw the pieces fall into place.  Yet, despite all the proof before you, you refused to believe this was all in a cosmic plan.  You weren't special enough.

And so here you stood.  Justice and Faith face to face.  The large shirt and boxers dwarfed your battle worn frame and Joseph looked manic in his usual half dressed state.  Oh how the mighty had fallen.

"Why give me the gun Deputy?" He asked.

"Faith.  Faith told me it all came down to me.  Me!  A nobody!  Is responsible for all this and harbinger of the end of days.  I tried to help her but she slipped away from me.  The water took her from me.  I am the cause of all this pain and ruin and are we truly better off?" You asked but he just watched gun held tightly at his side.  "In all this you have been the only one to care.  The only one who gave a damn about my thoughts and I hurt you, just as much as you hurt me.  We know what comes next Joseph.  One of us has to fail for the other to win and we are both too stubborn to surrender.  So I am giving you the chance to end it now.  To stop me."

Joseph looked down at the gun and back at you.  Slowly he raised it pointing it at your chest.  You smiled weakly.  "It's alright Joseph.  I won't stop you.  You can be free."

"So you offer yourself up as sacrifice to satisfy my Wrath?" he asked softly.  "I should kill you for what you have done." he snarled pressing the gun against your head.  "I should make you suffer for their loss and how you have ruined everything I worked for!"

"Then do it.  I give you permission."

Silence hung between you as you could see the turmoil within Joseph.  His wrath ruled his heart at the moment but he was warring within himself.  Why not just get it over and done with?  It would simplify this whole mess and you were just so tired of being in pain and being hurt.  If you were the harbinger of the apocalypse surely it was an easy solution?  Calm descended over his features as he reached a decision.

"When are you gonna realise not every problem can be solved with a bullet?" he snarled tossing the weapon aside and closing the distance between you in an instant.

Strong arms circled your waist as he pulled you against him taking you in a searing kiss that possessed your senses.  You gripped his forearms tightly afraid if you let go it would break the moment as he demanded your affection.

"I have lost everything to the Lord but I will not lose you."  he growled forehead pressed against yours.  "Selfish, foolish child." he sighed tears dropping onto your cheeks.  "I was blind but now I see."

He kissed your cheeks and eyes whispering reassurances before kissing you roughly again.  You stepped back and tried to gain space and clarity but he followed caging you against the wall.  He took your hands and pressed them against the wall trapping you.  

"Joseph," you gasped as he bit and sucked harshly at your neck. It wasn't loving like before.  It was demanding, possessive and desperate.  You surrendered to his touch and kissed him with equal fervor.  Joseph lifted you and dropped you onto the couch covering your body with his own.

Quick hands tore away your shirt baring you to him as he returned the marks that he once left on your body.  "It healed." he spoke gently tracing the still pink scar of 'lust'.  

"It did." you replied tracing his matching mark.

"I will not let you go." he growled hand circling your throat without applying pressure.  "I will guide you down the path that will lead us to righteousness." 

"Where is the righteousness in suffering?  In misery?" you replied.  "There is none here."

"But we are here and we will lead them to Eden's Gate." he smiled weakly.  "I will make a new family from those you have found and we will save them together."

"They don't want to be saved Joseph.  You cannot just take them!" you snapped pushing him away and reaching for your shirt.

"Like you took mine?!?" he roared.  "You took them from me!  Was it their choice?"

"No," you replied.  "But they had hurt innocent people.  They were cruel."

"So were you!  So was everyone who treated us like we were dirt when all we tried to do was help them!" he pulled away and began pacing back and forth.  "Are you truly so prideful that you cannot see how we helped them?"

"Those who came to you with nothing, yes.  But since the reaping began countless lives were taken."

"The weak will burn when God pours his wrath down upon us.  It was a kindness sparing them from the pain that is to come."

"Listen to yourself!  Can't you hear how ridiculous that sounds?  How it all seems to be an excuse to do shitty things for power."

You flinched as a lamp shattered against the wall near your head.

"This is my faith!  It has been the only thing that has kept me alive and you brush it off as an act of greed?  I thought you understood but I was wrong you truly are the snake the spoiled Eden!"

"And you are just another delusional preacher spouting nonsense!" you bellowed, the rage in your statements leaving you both panting.  "I was blind but now I see." you began.  "This was a mistake.  You never cared about me, I was just foolish and hopeful there could be more."

 "I did care for you!  Enough to keep you alive." he snarled getting in your face.  "I kept you alive because the almighty showed me his plans for us."

 "Not because you wanted to," you finished for him. 

 That was the truth you had known but avoided.  He didn't love you, the voice in his head did.

 "I think it's best you go." you said quietly, there was no fight left in you.  

 "I agree." he snapped.  "This was always going to be our path.  Let it end where this mess began."

 "Fine." you replied coldly, returning to the couch.  "You know where the door is." As he reached the doorway you spoke one last time.  "For what it's worth Joseph, I did genuinely care for you, despite our differences.  All I wanted was you to feel the same."

 He left without a word.

 

Piece by piece you collected your weapons and belongings from the table and floor and repacked everything into your bag.  You knew that the cabin would be safe no longer and with your separation you knew that you were never coming back.  It was all some cosmic joke.  You loaded your truck with your bag and weapons before retrieving the fuel can in the back.  You started in the bedroom spilling the petrol over the bed that had held such a promise of love until recently.  From there you covered the couch, the table, the kitchen...every place you shared a moment with Joseph.  You refilled the canister from the generator outside and finished in the bathroom.

The Cabin had been your greatest sanctuary and the source of your greatest pain.  The sight of it made your chest ache.  Let the fire wash it away.  Standing far enough back you lobbed a molotov through the open door.  The petrol ignited instantly engulfing the place in flames.  You stood entranced as the flames danced high into the sky as if it was trying to touch the moon.  The heat washed over you as you watched it consume your hope.  Even your tears felt hot.  A gentle purr and growl by your side caught your attention.  Peaches and Cheeseburger joined you nuzzling close.

You could survive this.

You could save them.

You were strong, not weak.

You were a hero,

You were used.

 

"Come on kids, let's go." you dried your tears and dropped the back of the pickup.  "There's nothing left here for me anymore."

 

**Joseph**

Joseph stopped a short way down the road, anger coursed through his veins but his grief was twofold.  How had he been lead so astray?  He looked back to see the cabin ablaze.  There was no turning back now.  Only one seal remained and he didn't have a flock to save.  He had failed them.   

 No.   

 There was still time and he would have his new family.  You had already brought them together for him.  He just needed them to see the truth.

 Even if it killed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying! *Gross sobbing*
> 
> Also first time I referenced a song in a fic!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final battle awaits.

**The Deputy**

Morning came and despite feeling like the world had ended you found that the sun had still risen and life went on.  You sat on the couch in the kitchenette of Dutch's bunker and ate spoonful after spoonful of frosted flakes.  One of the few boxes of junk food Dutch had allowed after much whining.  You still wore the same clothes from the previous night and could smell the woodsmoke on it from the fire, a reminder of what was lost.  Today was the day you would finally have to confront Joseph.  Today was the day you could be finally free from this torment to whatever punishment waited in civilization.  Washing up the bowl you fed your furry friends but encouraged them to return home.  You wouldn't need them today. 

Leaving your bag in a locker you dug through your numerous ragged clothes to find something clean enough.  Eventually you settled on a red plaid button up, dark blue cargo pants and your skeleton hand gloves.  Your trucker hat was a given.  In the armoury you laid out your tools ready to be cleaned before battle.  Joseph may be waiting but you would take your time.  If the world was truly going to end with your actions you weren't going to do anything half-assed.

One by one you took apart and serviced your chosen weapons and checked each and every part.  It helped to quell your nerves and focus your mind as you braced yourself for his Ire.  Dutch shuffled in a few minutes later but thankfully the older man kept his mouth shut.  He knew what this meant and despite calling Joseph's predictions a special kind of horseshit , even he had doubts about what could happen.  When you finished cleaning your favourite pistol, you handed the weapon to your partner and he double checked your work in the comfortable silence.  By midday the work was done and you were as ready as you were going to get.

 "Keep safe Dutch, I don't know how it's gonna turn out." You sighed rubbing your face.  You were already so tired.

 "Will do Kid." 

You nodded and started loading up.  You kept your pack light and mainly filled with ammunition and med Kits.  Dutch had even managed to rustle up some body armour.  Your companion walked you to the door.  As you started to go up the stairs he pulled you into a surprise hug.  At first you were startled but slowly relaxed.  It was like being hugged by your Dad.

"I ain't good at this shit kid but I am...I am proud of you, and...when this shit blows over and we ain't blow ta hell, if you want somewhere to stay or hide.  Well the doors always open."

You hugged him tight and thanked him.  Having somewhere to come back to, a home, was more than you had when you started the day.

"Thanks old man." You smiled. "I knew there was a reason you kept me around."

"You're like a puppy."

"That's my Dutch" you smirked.

"Now go and kick some ass."

 

**Joseph**

He had woken early that morning after a short rest to regain his strength.  Today was the day of judgement and he needed to be his best to protect his new flock.  They had potential, though they needed bliss to be of any use.  But at least they were his now and he denied you your victory through his actions.  Yet food was tasteless, he felt no joy in what lay ahead only fear for those of his flock who remained.

He began the morning holding a service, his new congregation quiet and obedient, the few who arrived from across the valley were morose.  Each of them knew the end was nigh and only one seal remained.  As his people separated he gathered his newest members and gave them a single instruction.  

"Bring the other Deputies to me."

He knew you were coming.  He knew the choice would be yours.  But he knew how to hurt you.

 

**The Deputy.**

Climbing aboard your Funaki jet ski, you headed for Joseph's compound.  It was well guarded by road, so boat was your best option. It wouldn't take too long to reach there from the Island so hopefully you could maintain the element of surprise.  There seemed to be a stillness in the air and it took a moment for you to realise that all was quiet.  There were no speedboats, no gunfire, no screaming or shouting.  All was calm.  If it wasn't for the violence you knew awaited you, it would almost be a perfect day. With a final longing look at the beauty of the valley you departed to face your fate.

The compound was quiet when you arrived, there were no guards in view, just lots of canisters of bliss.

"It's time Joseph!" you shouted to the doors of the church.  "Surrender or face the consequences."

Joseph pushed open the fateful white doors with a flourish, bare chested and looking as tired as you.  But damn it all, how your heart ached seeing him.  Why couldn't your heart pick someone else to seek affection from?  He looked you over weighing you up as he paced towards you.  You yearned to be held once more in his comfort.  

"And when the lamb broke the fifth seal, and I saw under the altar the souls of the Martyrs, slain because of the word of God..." he began and you sighed audibly.

"The word of God cannot protect you Joseph." you cut in earning you his anger.  He stepped close and your eyes followed him.

"You made Martyrs of my family... and I am prepared to do the same to yours." he indicated behind you and when you saw his clever trap your blood ran cold.

Hudson, Pratt and Whitehorse were lead in and pressed to their knees by the bliss addled people you had come to think of as friends.  Nick, Sharky, Hurk even Adelaide were under the influence of the vile substance.  Joseph had clearly planned ahead.  It hurt seeing all you had done to protect them being worth nothing.  You met the gaze of the Sheriff who seemed to have given up and left everything to you as Hudson raged like a storm and Pratt tried to be unnoticed.

"So you took my friends to spite me." you snarled.

"You took my family."

"It's not the same." you replied quietly.  "Your family murdered and killed people these people just wanted a normal life."

"A normal life full of SIN!" he snapped.  "My family did what was necessary to protect those who could not and their hands are not free from sin.  They have killed in the name of freedom.  None are innocent or pure until they atone."

Unconsciously your ran your finders over your abdomen as Hudson snapped at Josephs heels and cast words like daggers.  You looked from face to face desperate for anything that you could use to your advantage.

"God is watching us.  And he will judge us on what we choose in this moment.  What you will choose?"  He circled like a vulture and spoke softly as if you were the only one in the world.  But it was a lie meant to wound you and you hated that it was working.  "Your friends have been taken and tortured, and it's your fault.  Countless people have been killed, and it is your fault.  The world is on fire and it's your fault.  Was it worth it?  Was it?"

"I know it's my fault." you replied.  "I reacted to people trying to kill me.  I fought to survive and I fought to protect others and not once did I question why.  Was it worth it?" you parroted back at him.  "I held my Goddaughter who wouldn't be here without me.  I helped some guy find his aliens.  I even learned how to fish.  And yeah...it was worth it.  For those moments that would have been lost in your fear.  Even if there is nothing left of me, not one atom, I at least did everything my way and I would do it again."

"Even us?" he asked with a callous smirk as the others looked confused.

"Yes Joseph.  Even us."

"You didn't?  He must have?  Tell me you didn't Rook!" snapped Hudson.

"When you first came here, I gave you a choice to walk away.  You chose not to.  In the face of God I am making you that offer one last time.  Put down your guns and take your friends.  You leave me my flock and you go in peace."

"I said it before didn't I?  You should have been in public relations with that silver tongue." you chuckled sadly.

Turning to your friends you saw their looks of confusion and fear.  Could you walk away and leave them with the man they despised?  Leave Nick and Kim apart.  No, no you couldn't.  

"I'm sorry Joseph you know I can't do that." you replied.

"So stubborn." he whined, almost a sob pressing your forehead against his.  He cupped your cheeks as he spoke softly to you.  "Please Deputy, please, I am begging you, do not go down this path.  If what we had was real."

"It was real Joseph, but I told you so many nights ago.  I can't look away from injustice not even for you."  You pulled away and stepped back.  "I'm sorry Joseph but I will be taking them back."

"Every choice, Every sin is revealed in our choice.  John was wrong.  I was wrong.  Your sin is not wrath or lust.  You would rather the world suffer and burn than swallow your pride."

In a fit of rage he knocked over the bliss barrels as he recounted more scripture but your ears were closed and your heart guarded as you ducked for cover.  

Hurting those you cared about hurt worse than the months of horrors you had been through.  How could you shoot them when they didn't fully know what they were doing.  Perhaps a bit of "cognitive recalibration" was in order.   Hudson was closest.  Preparing yourself you dashed out and caught her round the head as gently as you could with the butt of your rifle, snapping her out of her stupor.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she snarled clearly of the belief that you were tainted.  "Just give me a gun."

One by one you reset Pratt and the Sheriff who joined you in combat immediately.  The bliss muddled your head as multiple Josephs attacked as he bellowed his scripture and insults.  But as you fought bravely there was little focus for you except your allies.  After freeing the first group they rushed to gather weapons but you shooed them away urging them to the bunkers and their families.  With great reluctance they left.  You had your fellow officers at your side, what more did you need?

"I gave you every chance and you threw it all away!"

"So did I asshat!" you replied.

"Everything you've done, everything you've earned was for nothing!" he continued in his rant but there was a hint of fear now in his voice.  You were winning.

"You are nothing!"  you screamed. 

"You don't know what you're doing!  Only I can save you!"

You launched yourself over the sandbags and whipped him hard with the butt of your rifle.  "There's no-one left to save."

 

**Joseph**

NO! NO! NO! NO! 

How could it all have gone so wrong?  He had your family and friends in grasp.  That should have been enough to stop you from causing more harm but in your selfish pride you had hurt them to save them.  As you stood over him in victory he saw it truly then, the determination and grit that you possessed.  It was in that moment that he was back in Rome, looking up at his tormentor powerless against whatever they dished out to him.  He had failed to save his family.  He had failed to save his people and he had failed in saving you.

You stepped closer and on instinct he tried to get away.  It sickened him being powerless.

"Forgive her Father...she knows not what she does..." There was nothing left but to trust in the Lord to see his will through.  It wouldn't be long now.  "When the Lamb opened the seventh seal..there was silence in Heaven...and the seven angels before Godd were given seven trumpets..."

Joseph watched, as always, as he spoke learning and watching you intently.  You were focused intently on him and he heard the other Deputies circle behind him.  There was no other noise as you had sent away the others.  Apt that it come down to this.  But in your gaze the unwavering flame of your pride and wrath flickered with just a sliver of doubt as you looked to the horizon.  What had made you so afraid?  Then he heard the sirens and knew.

He was right.

Joseph had thought long and hard about how he may face the cataclysm when it arrived.  Would he beg forgiveness?  Be afraid?  And now, here at the tipping point he felt calm as if his burdens had been lifted from his shoulders.  God had not forsaken him.  You however were not dealing so well.  You looked to the sky in open mouthed horror as the world exploded.  But where the others stayed memerised in shock you looked to him and he saw the fear as you knew the truth as well.  He was right.

"We have to go!" ordered the Sheriff dragging Joseph towards the truck.  

He had no reason to fear, his God followed him and when he looked back at you he saw that fire burn brightly.  You were going to fight the whole way against your fate.  He admired it in a way and also cursed it for leading the world here.  Wedged in the back of the pickup between the other two Junior Deputies he knew he would be safe when you took the wheel.

"Drive Rook!" ordered the Sheriff.

"No Shit Sherlock." she snapped back pulling away at high speed.

You were magnificent.  As the others fell apart you held it together as you drove through the burning land around you.  But with the Bunkers gone why fight so hard against your fate?

"Hey Kid, You seeing this shit?"  The radio crackled to life and you snatched the mouthpiece.

"We're coming in hot Dutch, you think we can make it with Six of us?"

"Six?  I thought there were four of you lot."

"We got Joseph too."

"I think we can make do with just the five of you kid.  Leave the dead weight behind.  Head for the bunker, don't stop for anything!"

"SHIT" you cursed swerving to avoid a burning deer.

As the journey grew more perilous he grew tired of your companions.  In comparison to you the others were a mess.  The younger man was reciting scripture as if that would save him while the woman cursed and blubbered against her fate.  Would you really abandon him here to die?  It would be one last test of your compassion in the face of God's anger.

You drove full speed towards a small Island near his compound.  He had overlooked that area after you had liberated it.  It wasn't very valuable nor full of resources but now he was hearing about a bunker?  If it was true then the Lord had truly provided for him but only if this Dutch could be perusaded.

"Staci sit the fuck down!" you screamed as the buffoon behind you knocked you with his elbow as he tried to reach the dash.  A small fraction of time but enough to seal fate.  There was no way to avoid the tree.

Consciousness came back to Joseph swiftly as if the Lord had whispered to him to wake.  The pickup was silent and the two who flanked him were unconscious or dead.  He didn't really care to check.  Reaching for Staci's belt he managed to get the key to his cuffs and free himself before climbing over their bodies to the exit.  The bunker you mentioned must have been on the island though he was reluctant to search at random.  A soft groan caught his attention.

Returning to the car he sang softly.  Amazing Grace had always brought him comfort and now as you stirred in the front of the car he needed a clear head.

"Jo-seph?" you said hazily looking around for him.

In that moment the vision he received all those months ago became clear.  He opened the door and leaned across you to undo your belt.  There was a nasty gash across your forehead and your eyes were closed once more.  You kept floating in and out of consciousness.

"Deputy," he asked softly.  "Where do we go?  Look at me. where do we go?" 

"Path" you muttered before falling unconscious again.

 Joseph looked around him and saw a small path cutting through some trees.  He lifted you and began to walk placing his faith in you.  Sure enough, a few moments later a heavy green door was set into the ground the doorway already open and an older balding man waiting.  Who was this Dutch to you?

"You." he growled.  "Is she alive?"

"Yes, the others didn't survive the crash.  She said to come here, there is no where else.  Please."

"Bring her inside then." The elder man agreed closing the outer doors and locking them inside.  Fear clung to him as he looked over with concern.

Joseph could see the wrath and greed in the man's heart coveting his Deputy.  He knew the other man certainly had murder in mind.  Gently he placed you in the main bedroom and took away your weapons and bag that were weighing you down.  You and he were meant to be.  It was always meant to be you two surviving this together.  He had just been to blind to see.  He doubted he had much time before the other man returned.   He took the belt from his trousers and waited.  Moments later the man entered and went straight to your side.

"I swear if you hurt her I'll toss you out of here myself." he growled.

"I would never hurt her." Joseph replied.

"Motherfucking Liar.  I saw the mark you left on her after your so called love.  So take your shit and shove it up your ass."

Joseph saw red.  Why had he seen the sin he had marked on you?  It was not a place anyone would normally see.  Jealousy pushed him to action.  With the old man around you would never get to Eden's Gate together.  He slowly unwrapped the belt to make a noose and asked the Lord for the strength to save you, for he knew his actions were just.

 

Because he was right.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked the changes I made to events. Now our survivors must learn to cohabit and play nice. The Bunker awaits...


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 1 in the Bunker

**The Deputy**

Pain.  Everything hurt.  

You woke slowly wincing at the sharp sting on your forehead.  You looked down and felt the icy fear of deja vu creep down your spine.  You were handcuffed to a bed.

"What the fuck Dutch?  This isn't...funny..."

As you looked up to search for your friend the words died in your mouth as you saw the scene before you.  Joseph stood away from you looking at the wall as the radio played the automatic broadcast.  At your feet lay Dutch.  Panic seized your chest as you searched for signs of life but with his heavy clothes you couldn't see if he was breathing.

"Dutch?!  Dutch?!" You whimpered trying to wake your friend.  He couldn't be dead.  He promised that you could come home. "No! No! NO!  Wake up old man!  Wake up!" 

You yanked and pulled at the handcuffs desperate to move and get closer.  You leaned and pulled ignoring the bite of metal in your wrists as you fought for every inch between you.  Spinning around, you braced your feet against the wall and used it as leverage to push against the wall and move the bed frame. 

"Wake up old man!  Please!  You promised!  You promised!" You bawled in ugly sobs.

You didn't hear Joseph move beside you but as you smacked your head against the ground trying to move a little closer you felt warm hands cup your head.

"Quiet child, he is now at peace as will you be soon." Joseph comforted.

Yet it had the opposite effect as you fought against him and the bed to which you were tied.  You kicked, you screamed, you cursed and even tried to bite him until he backed away.  You lay on the floor and stared at the ceiling, silent tears streaking your soot covered face.  Why did others have to suffer because of you?  Why were you still alive when so many others should have been in your place.  It wasn't fair.  It wasn't fair!  You were poison killing everything you touched.  Stupid, stupid girl!  You began to hit your head against the floor punishing yourself.  You shouldn't be here.

Warm hands cupped the back of your head softening the blows until you slowed.

"You should have left me to die with them." You said knowing he was listening.

"You called out for me." He stated.  "You sought me and I couldn't leave you.  What would a Father be without his flock?"

"Happier." You shrunk away from his intense gaze. 

"I am happy.  The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh.  My family is gone and your friends too but he has given us each other.  Whether it is what either of us expected it or not.  The politicians have been silenced and I was right.  We have a long time ahead of us Deputy and I will lead us to Eden's Gate.  I am your Father and you are my child." 

You couldn't stop the laugh breaking through.  "That just makes everything awkward." You laughed hysterically.  Once you began you couldn't stop until the laughter became tears.  It didn't escape your notice the Joseph stroked your scalp gently. "Why are you so nice?"

"Forgiveness is a choice.  I cannot save you if I don't forgive you first.  Otherwise we would never move forward."

"I'm sorry I doubted you." You added.  "Still gotta say you sounded crazy though.  I don't think I can survive this."

 "We will.  We have to.  It was your doubt however that gave us a good chance to survive.  I am sorry about your friend though but I had to protect us."

"I don't want to talk about it Joseph.  About him, you or anything.  Not yet."

"I will respect that." He replied.  "We need to shower this muck from ourselves.  I wish to untie you but I want to know your anger has abated."

 "It's...contained.  But you're right.  We need to get clean and I need to deal with Dutch and run checks." You replied.

 

**Joseph**

Joseph watched you with concern.  Your reaction had been visceral and he empathised with your pain.  Yet he held no regret for silencing the old man you mourned.  His death made the world balanced and he wouldn't need to live in fear of being stabbed in the back.  He searched your gaze for anything that would betray your actions but found the fire in your eyes had gone out.  You just looked tired.  Gently he undid the cuffs and peeled them away from your damaged flesh.  He was concerned by how willingly you hurt himself.  

"Don't look at me like that." You snapped.

"Like what?"

"Like a puzzle or one of your projects to figure out."

"It's more concern for your health."

"I don't like it."

"I cannot stop caring and worrying for you...."

"For the love of God no more scripture." you growled standing up and refusing his help.

Thankfully you didn't try and kill him but to be safe he followed you to ensure you didn't do anything drastic.  The main living area of the bunker was a reasonable size with enough space for more than two people and there seemed to be a door leading deeper.  Whoever this Dutch was, was equal in paranoia to himself.  You stopped inside a neighbouring room filled with bunk beds and left your weapons behind.  You clearly were comfortable in this environment.

"There are spare clothes in the room we were in." you said flatly.  "I got my own here."

"Alright." he returned quickly a grabbed a loose pair of trousers.  The other man was far broader than himself.

He was relieved to see you waiting for him in your room, though you were clearly dazed.

"Deputy?"

"Rook." you said.  "There are no more Deputies, so for now call me Rook.  They all did.  Not even you cared for my true name.  I might even forget it at this rate."

"What is it?" he asked curious.  In all their interactions she had never shared it.

"You gotta earn it Joseph.  It takes trust." you sighed stripping down in the bathroom.  The fact your gaze focused on the thick steel door to the bunker entrance hadn't escaped his notice.

"I truly hope that I earn it and perhaps one day you'll call me Father."

You snorted in derision and finished undressing unashamed in your nudity.  Joseph couldn't help but admire your form and the small stirring of possessiveness at seeing the 'lust' that marked you.  You retrieved a white bottle of soap and turned on the water and stood under the jets.  

"Stop staring Joseph." you growled breaking his concentration.

"Apologies, you are beautiful."

"I am a tool." you replied undoing the band in your hair.

Joseph wore little.  His jeans were grimy and torn and he was grateful to lose the coarse touch of their fabric.

"Going Commando?" you chuckled.  "I'm pretty sure I didn't destroy all the underwear in the valley."

He felt his cheeks redden at her comments.  He turned on the shower and stepped under the cleansing but tepid waters.  You handed him the soap noting the sign on the wall and he chuckled.  Methodically he cleaned himself from head to toe.  Even scrubbing hard it took two or three attempts to scrub away the ashes and fallout from the end of the world.

"Here turn around." you commented.  "I'll wash your back."

This time it was his turn to submit and he turned away so his back faced you and waited.  The first touch of your hands against his skin was electric.  It was as if it was the first time he was being touched by you.  You gently washed away the grime and switched to a cloth to get the worst off.

"I thought you'd be more emotional." He said.  "Certainly more murderous."

"I'm burned out.  This whole fucking experience has been too emotional I just don't want to feel right now.  We need to survive.  I'll bottle it up and wait till I explode like a healthy human being.  Anger isn't going to make living with you easier.  But I'd appreciate you not quoting scripture at me right now."

"Duly noted. I will always listen should you wish to speak."

"Thanks, now it's your turn."

 

**The Deputy**

Joseph took the soap from your hands and you bared your back to him.  You didn't miss the small inhale as he touched you for the first time.  It was probably foolish to let him get so close to you but you didn't want to risk any contamination remaining.  Joseph started with your shoulders gently rubbing small circles over your tender shoulders before moving further down your back.  You tried to stifle a soft moan at his touch.  It frustrated you with how it comforted and aroused you.  You should have been angry.

"So soft." Joseph mumbled as if he couldn't help himself.

"We have a lot to do.  After this we'll clean our wounds and patch ourselves up.  I will deal with Dutch and you need to go down into the stores and check there's no damage or leaks.  After that we can relax and start on the fresh food and sleeping arrangements."

"Alright." He replied rubbing the cloth firmly as you had done for him.

Once you were both clean you headed into the small medical wing in just your underwear. There was little you had to hide.  Joseph followed and in silence you cleaned and patched up each others wounds.  His touch had been tender as he wrapped your sensitive wrists.  Once you knew everything was safe then you could try the radio.  The other bunkers would be doing the same process.  

You had yet to think how to tell Joseph about them.  He would probably be angry for being decieved or worse he would want to convert them.  Dressing in your dirty clothes you still had one task to deal with; Dutch's remains.  You had options.  There was a cold room where you could preserve him or the furnace.  Both were dissatisfying.  If you froze him you would see him whenever you needed to go in there as a guilty reminder.  If you used the furnace you would need to make him fit easier.  Either option was a punishment, which one could you see fit to bear?

Grabbing Dutch's ankles you dragged him to the washroom before retrieving an axe and an empty barrel.  You would spread his ashes in the new world.

"Sorry friend." You whispered, apologising through the terrible deed.

Your soul would never be clean.

 

**Joseph**

Humming gently to himself the Father busied himself with the task you had given him.  When you had revealed the depth of the stores you had amassed he was impressed and frustrated that this was all hidden just under his nose.  A quick inspection showed that there were no leaks or structural damage that he could see and the food and supplies were in tact.  It was in the quiet the memories of his siblings and happier times choked his heart.  The world was ash and he was alone once more.  The rhythmic thuds of whatever you were doing filled the air and were his only comfort.

As he returned from the dark of the stock room he saw the faint glow of light from the bathroom and a trail of crimson running like a river down the plughole.

"Mind out." you called.  Joseph stepped back and watched as you emerged bloody from the bathroom and dragged the barrel behind you.  "I'd like to be alone for now." 

"Alright.  I'm going to change some things to that room.  Do you mind if I remove his things?"

"Sure, whatever.  But keep them in a crate.  We can store them."

Joseph nodded and you continued past him.  You looked like you bore the weight of the world on your shoulders and when your eyes met he saw how haunted they were.  

And so Joseph was once again left in silence.  He had stepped into what must have been your control room.  Maps covered the walls and the faces of his siblings stared down at him as well as his own portrait.  Post it notes and papers covered the map with comments and notes about his comings and goings.  This Dutch had held a grudge for a long time.  It sickened him thinking how this man had manipulated and twisted you when all they were doing was trying to help people.  Piece by piece he took apart the display.  The photos of his siblings he kept and the rest he piled for whatever you wanted to do with them.  It wasn't like the intelligence was any good anymore.  The map was wiped clean just like the world around them.  The radios hissed static without end.  It truly was the end of the world.

Returning to the master bedroom he began to remove every trace of his enemy into an empty crate.  War medals, photos, memorabilia.  It seems this man was a true hero to the old world.  Searching the lockers he found plenty of clothes that were loose enough to fit him.  Though not his taste.  Packing away things he didn't want or need he found hidden at the back a copy of the bible and he retrieved it and placed it on the desk.  The room looked cold but it was at least not a dead man's room.  Using some tape he stuck up the pictures of his family and sat on the bed quietly prayed.  His rosary gripped tight between his fingers.  

You didn't return until it was late.  He noticed that your eyes were red and swollen and that you seemed flat.  Immediately you went for the showers and he heard the water turn on.  

He prayed to the Lord for guidance on how to approach you.  Tense silence and buried anger was not the way to build a new home or mend the bridges between you.  Allowing you to set the pace seemed to work but he was already feeling isolated and now he felt lost.  He needed you more than you needed him and he was loathed to admit it.  Eventually letting his hunger win over his apathy he headed to the kitchen and searched for something to cook.  You emerged shortly after in a large shirt and boxers before dumping your bloody clothes in a box by the stockroom.

"If there is anything you want to burn put it in the box."

"Yes Rook," he replied.  "Are you alright?"

"No.  Not really but that doesn't matter.  What are you cooking?"

"Some eggs and bacon." he replied.  "I've made it for both of us." 

"Thanks.  I cleaned the bathroom.  Dutch is at rest."

Joseph nodded along and served your meal.  You waited patiently for him to say Grace before tucking into the hearty meal.  Yet despite him talking you didn't respond beyond one word answers.  It was frustrating and fed his fear of isolation.  You may have been alone for months but he had not, yet he was powerless to do anything about it.

"I'll clean up." You offered without waiting for his answer as if he was dismissed.

He returned to the room he had claimed and returned to his meditation.  His life's work was gone, he was alone and the one person he had left spurned him.  Joseph cried.  Why had he been forsaken for following the Lord's instruction?  He prayed and prayed and prayed for some hint or guidance to ease the coming years but all he received was silence.  Joseph mourned in the quiet of the bunker and knew his hope was lost.

 

**The Deputy**

 

You had finished cleaning and found the quiet company of your own head suffocating.  The radio had not received any transmissions and despite rearranging the bunk room you still had too much time on your hands.  That wasn't likely to change though was it?

You went to speak to Joseph but as you approached the doorway you heard his sobbing and prayers.  Even the man who acted like he had it all mourned for what was lost.  Returning to you room you dig through your stored pack and found the cloth wrapped gift you had kept from the fateful night he had marked you.  

You grabbed a pack of wet wipes and the package and headed to his bedroom.

"Ah...uh...Deputy I wasn't...I mean...I didn't..." He didn't even look at you.

"It's alright Joseph, you didn't do anything wrong.  The fault is mine.  I should have seen your pain too."

You knelt between his legs and cupped his cheeks using the wet wipes to clean his face taking care to not press his bruise that much.  He sobbed at your gentle touch and nuzzled against your hand seeking security.  You knew then what your trials had been for.

"Shhhhhh," you comforted kissing his forehead and pulling him into a tight hug.  His body shook with subtle tremor and you held him tighter.  "You're safe, we're safe.  It's ok."

Joseph wrapped his arms around you and rocked gently.  You held him until he seemed to calm and then you cleaned his face again.  He took one for himself and cleaned you.  He held your face as you held his.

"Don't lose hope Joseph, your faith got you this far."

"I don't know what to do anymore."

"We sleep.  We eat.  We fight.  We talk.  We survive and in 7 years we will head out of those doors together and face whatever is there.  That is what we will do Joseph.  I will be the sword to protect us and you can be our shield and guide our hearts." You touched foreheads.

"Guide us to our Eden."

"To whatever end." You added pulling back to give him the gift.  

Joseph slowly unwrapped his gift.  His breath hitched when he saw the familiar brown leather cover.

"How did...you burned it...how?" He ran his fingers over the fading gold and opened it finding it to be as he remembered.  Handwritten notes on his beliefs, notes from John on sin and Jacob on tactics.  Even a pressed flower from Faith.  It was exactly how he had left it.

"I burned a book.  The copy you gave me.  They were just too trusting."

"How long?"

"I was going to give it to you the night we made love." You said softly.  "But that didn't end how I expected."

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean for it to divide us."

"It doesn't matter now." You smiled.  "Go to sleep it's late I think.  We can talk more tomorrow.  One day at a time."

"Stay?  Please." He looked at you with pleading eyes his hands gripped you tightly.

How could you say no?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man this was meant to be so much filth and then I went and got so much feels and plot. I hope you enjoy the direction this is going/went. Also I always feel Joseph tries to take care of the Dep in the Bunker ending but he must be hurting and afraid too I tried to make it a balance.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2 - secrets are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning for canon divergence and hope. Damn these kids need a hug.  
> It's a bank holiday here for me and I've been hooked all weekend writing and can't wait to share!  
> Take care everyone!
> 
> Italics = the radio.

  **Joseph**

Joseph woke warm and peaceful.  There was no panic or fear of the collapse just the gentle sound of your breathing and heartbeat.  He had always been an early riser as there were always so many things to prepare.  But as he looked upon your sleeping face and knowing that there was nothing demanding his attention he felt that urge dissipate.  So for the first time in years he indulged and curled up around you.

"Hmmph?" You moaned in your sleep and he urged the demons away with a reassuring touch.  You looked so peaceful and unburdened.

He didn't know when he fell asleep again but it had been a couple of hours and you were trying to get up.

"Rook?"

"Gotta pee!" She apologised and he released her.

Last night had been a step forward.  They had recognised the pain in each other and now they could move forwards.  Perhaps they would be each others salvation.  Joseph slowly rose from bed.  Rubbing his eyes and stretching he started with his usual morning prayers.  By the time he finished he could hear the sound of the kettle boiling and you moving about the kitchen.  He placed his book next to the Bible on his desk and padded out to join you.

"What is it with you and shirts?" You asked with a smile.

He himself couldn't help but return the smile.  "It's too hot, or perhaps I like seeing you flustered."

"Or it's a honey trap."

"You think that highly of me?  That I would use sin to lure people?" He joked.

"Definitely a honey trap."

"Does it distract you Rook?" He flirted.  He chuckled at how you almost choked on your coffee.

"No...?" You replied unsure.

"Well I'm sorry to say it will continue my dear.  I quite like you flustered."  Your blush was so cute it had him hardening in his trousers.  "Anymore secrets I should know about?"

"Uhhhhhh," you paled and mumbled.  "Well..."

"What is it?" He asked concerned.

"Wellllll... It's complicated..."

"Rook?" He growled.

_"Hello?  Hello?  Is anyone there?"_ A voice crackled faintly from the other room. 

You darted out the room and Joseph followed with equal speed.  The voice came from the radio setup that you had turned on the previous day but had no signal.

_"He...lol...tch...dep..."_

"Who is that?" He growled as you fiddled with settings to get a clearer signal.

"The big secret...wait...shhhh...".

 

**The Deputy**

The white noise was broken by a voice repeating the same message they held before only it was much clearer.  You smiled and took the mouthpiece.

"This is the Deputy, Kim is that you?"

_"Oh thank god!  We thought you were dead."_

"Not gonna lie you had me worried too.  You and the baby safe?"

_"Nick too, said if you hadn't sent them back they'd have never made it.  Thanks for sending him home."_

You smiled tears forming in your eyes.  It had been worth it.  You hadn't failed. You looked up to see Joseph watching you intently with a mix of confusion and frustration.

_"How's the old man?  You and the other officers holding up ok?"_ Your heart sank knowing they would want to know.

"More importantly how is everyone there?  You all set up?"

_"Yeah, took us a while to work this crap.  The instruction manual was vague as shit and none of us were gonna risk pressing the wrong button."_

"I literally put a label on the one to press."

_"I blame Sharky and Hurk."_

"Bullshit." You laughed.  "What's the final count?"

Kim rattled of numbers and you jotted them down.  _"We also got a small problem.  The lads grabbed some Peggie families on the way over.  They had kids and we couldn't just leave them behind."_

You could feel Joseph's gaze burn into the back of your head as you faced away from him.  There was definitely gonna be shit to pay.

"So what's the problem?"

_"They're scared and won't fall into line.  They keep whining and wailing and aren't integrating.  Pastor Jerome tried but they cling onto that stupid book of Joseph's and isolate themselves."_

"I see."

  _"I know you guys are stuck but I thought if you talked to them..."_

 "I got someone better." You sighed.  

  _"Who?"_

 "Joseph Seed."

  _"Fuck off."_ A different voice cut through the radio.  _"And Dutch let him in?"_

 "I don't know I was knocked out.  He pulled me from the car wreck and dragged me here but Dutch is dead."

  _"And the others..."_

 "Them as well.  It's just me and him."

  _"Oh shit Dep.  We gotta get you out or..."_

 "No, you don't.  You need to forget about me.  I'm fine where I am.  You need to focus on your family and surviving.  I ain't worth it."

  _"He treating you OK?"_

 "Yeah he is." You replied.  "Look go and get the Peggie families and bring them where they can hear this.  I'll er...prep Joseph.  He doesn't know yet.  Broadcast in 30 minutes?"

_"You got it boss."_

 

**Joseph**

He was angry, confused and elated.  Others had survived but they seemed to be her allies.  But he thought the bunkers had been destroyed and now he's hearing some of his congregation had survived.  It was all too much at once and as she watched him from across the workbench he wanted to reach across and force her hand.  

"Explain." He growled prowling around to her side.

"John's bunker.  I didn't blow it up."

"Liar, I saw the damage."

"I made it look that way.  Instead I filled them with resistance families to keep them safe from the reaping and finished stocking them up, just in case."

"So when the bombs dropped..." 

"The bunker was full.  Seems my friends also rescued some of your people too which is why I need your help."

"My flock survived?"  The words stuck in his throat.  Perhaps there was a chance of rebuilding after all.

"Yes, but they're afraid.  I need you to talk to them.  To get them to cooperate.  We need to work together not be at odds.  Please.  I'm sure we can find a way for you to preach to them but for now..."

"I will cooperate." He smiled.  "Any other confessions?"

"Jacob's bunker is the same but they haven't checked in yet.  Faith's did get blown up."

"Why didn't you tell me straight away?"

"There were things to do and perhaps I wasn't sure how you'd react.  Especially when I found myself tied to a bed.  Besides there was no point telling you if they didn't respond.  Why give you false hope?"

"Because any hope is better than none." he replied.

 "Well I'm sorry.  But it doesn't change the fact there are Peggies who need to work with my people.  As their leader I need you to encourage harmony surely you agree?"  The radio crackled to life again making you jump.  "Please Joseph..."

 " _Hey Rook you there?"_

 "Sharky?" 

  _"Goddamn you made it!  I thought Kim was high or somethin'.  Said you were holed up with the man bun."_

 "I kinda am Sharky and he's here so don't be rude."

  _"Is he?  The asshole.  Don't you fucking hurt her or I'll be waiting to roast you when we get out of this hole.  Shes got better prospects than some limp dick prophet."_

 Joseph took the receiver from you and although he looked calm he was tense.

 "Hello Charlemagne." you winced and tried to sneak away but Joseph pulled you close against his body and held you there tightly.  "I am so pleased Rook has someone who cares for her and I assure you..." he continued looking into your eyes.  "I will take very, very good care of her.  God willed it and she is so...sweet." he emphasised suggestively.  

  _"WHY YOU...!"_

  _"SHARKY!"_ you heard Kim shout in the background.  " _Sorry Rook, didn't mean to cause any trouble."_

 Joseph handed you the receiver again but didn't let you go.  "No problem Kim, Joseph wasn't angry."  you muffled a gasp as you felt his lips press at the base of your neck.  "Joseph!" you hissed but he held you tightly.

  _"I got the families here.  He willing to talk?"_

 Joseph sucked harshly on your neck, nipping and sucking the sensitive flesh there.  You tried to break his hold on you but he held firm his thumbs rubbed soft circles on your body.

  _"_ He is." you replied, trying to hide you soft moan.  _"_ are they ready?"

  _"Sure are."_

 Joseph released his bite with a final soft kiss before taking the receiver.  For a moment you panicked.  What if he didn't agree?  "Please Joseph, bring peace."

 

**Joseph**

He released the Deputy with reluctance and watched her flee from him.  He was relieved she was still flustered by him.  He would have to apologise later but Sharky had gotten under his skin and he was possessed to claim her again.  Not that the other man could do anything from where he was located but increasingly, Joseph found he was protective of his Deputy.

"Hello My Children," he began.  "Are you there?"

_"PRAISE THE FATHER!"_ a wail came from the other side.  _"We thought you were lost in the Collapse!"_

"To whom am I speaking?" he asked softly.

_"The Graham Family, The Johnsons and The Smiths."_ replied whomever was on the other end of the line.

Three families.  Three families had been saved and it had been dumb luck the Deputy had sent her friends away.  He knew of those families in the valley all farmers with children so he had spared them from heavy service.  Instead they had been tasked with food production.

"Thank the Lord that you survived.  My heart is glad to hear you are safe."

_"What do we do Father?  These...people...are in your bunker and have changed it.  We don't know what to do.  We don't want to stray from the path."_

"The path is now survival." he began.  "We have survived the collapse and must now do what we must to reach Eden's Gate.  They may not be our people, but they are still our neighbours.  If it weren't for them, you would not be alive."

_"Yes Father."_

"Work with them, join them and I will be proud of you as my Children."

_"But they hate us."_

"They hate me.  They hate what they do not understand.  But we must be better.  Now we have the radio I can also speak with you.  You are not alone and neither am I."

_"Yes Father, praise to you."_ the other voice sounded sad.

"I will be waiting for you.  I will come for you.  I promise."

_"Thank you Joseph."_ came the female voice from before.  _"I promise you we'll keep them safe, just return the favour and keep Rook safe.  Please?  Her Goddaughter wants her to come home."_

"I will."

_"Alright, we'll contact soon.  Stay safe."_

 

**The Deputy**

"Oh for fuck's sake!" you hissed surveying the dark mark on your neck.  

Joseph had given you a damn hickey.  You surveyed the mark in the medical room mirror before returning to the kitchenette.  The skin where he had touched you felt warm.  You had forgotten how nice his touch could feel.  Lying on the couch you covered your eyes with your arm and tried to will your heart to calm down.  Stupid hormones.  Now that he had some of his flock back perhaps he would be less insistent on indoctrinating you because you knew he couldn't just do nothing.  When he returned he looked serene and content but when he saw you his gaze darkened with something more...primal.  You fought the urge to look away, yet instead of approaching you he continued with his daily activities.  Relieved and frustrated you ignored the growing heat in your body and tried to return to Earth.  But you couldn't forget the feel of his touch against yours.

This was going to be a long 7 years.

A week passed and you fell into routine.  You continued to share a bed with Joseph.  He was always the first to wake and he would always begin with morning prayers.  You always listened silently in the soft light of the room but he thankfully didn't make you get involved.  A few hours later you would join him.  It was the end of the world, you could afford to lie in.  The hardest thing you found to get used to was the silence and sounds of the bunker.  At times you found yourself flinching at the slightest sound, afraid that the bunker was going to implode on your heads.  You would share meal times together and the odd conversations but with the return of his flock Joseph was fixated on his sermons.  So you filled your time with reading and organising the armoury. 

You had stocked up on ammunition and through your attacks on Joseph's people you had recovered lots of weapons, some of which you had customised.  But in your haste to get ready you hadn't sorted or stored it properly.  So as Joseph practiced his sermon you cleaned and stored weapons.  He had explained he was finding it difficult to perform how he did before as they couldn't see him.  You had suggested he didn't try because there were so few of them.  Why not make it more personal?  Even then he still practiced.  You had agreed to a 30 minute sermon once a week.  You didn't want to risk equipment burnout or the signal from another survivor and Joseph had reluctantly agreed.

And so life went on.  On the eighth day you awoke once more to an empty bed and sighed.  It was grating on you more and more that he was so focused on them he forgot you existed.  Were you jealous of them?  Mildly.  He went back to focusing on scripture and even with what little conversation you could get from him he was obsessed.  You rose from the bed and headed to the kitchenette to prepare some food.  Joseph was already hard at work at the table so you decided to leave him be.  Heading to the armoury you picked up the net item on your list.  Jacob's rifle.

You had taken it from the soldier after his death.  In your conditioned state you claimed it as proof you were the strongest.  But deep down you knew you weren't.  It was just a lie you told yourself to survive.  Placing your food aside, you gave your full attention to this project.  Jacob deserved that much respect.  

Left to your thoughts your mood dropped again when Joseph began his practice anew.  It was draining you.  He had found something for his joy.  What were you going to do?  With Jacob's rifle finished and locked away you ate your soggy cereal and cold coffee.  Feeling tired you wanted to sleep but Joseph was in the bedroom you shared so you returned to the spare room.

In the beginning you had rearranged the room placing two bunk beds side by side to make a double bed.  Taking a spare sheet you hung it from the top bunk of one bed to make a screen for some privacy.  Grabbing a few pillows you built yourself a comfy base and opened a sleeping bag flat as a duvet.  A few fairy lights and it would have been cosy.  

Snuggled in your nest you tried to relax but your mind wouldn't settle.  You didn't want to read despite your Kindle still working.  You didn't want to play or write on your phone lest you see the photos of those you had lost.  Music was your last resort but even that failed to stir you.  You needed contact and comfort.

You found him still pacing and making notes.  No doubt that was why he was so convincing.  How many times had he practiced before.  

"Joseph are you busy?" You called.

"A little.  What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just it feels like I haven't seen you much lately." You replied fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

"I've been busy, but it has been joyous work." He smiled.

"Surely you must be done soon?"

"This takes time.  I thought you wanted me to look after them?  The Lord was kind after all."

"Sure." You smiled.  "I'll leave you to it then.  Don't forget to eat"

Restless, you paced the bunker and scoured the storeroom until you have up and sat in front of the door between you and the entrance.  What would your purpose be now that you weren't a weapon?  You felt the void in your chest and curled up.  Why couldn't this all be a joke or a bliss induced dream?  

You didn't know how long you sat staring at the opposite wall.

"Rook?"

"Oh, Hello Joseph." You replied as if rejoining reality.

"Are you alright?"

"I...don't think so." You replied honestly.  "What time is it?"

"A few hours since we last spoke at least."

"Oh."

"Talk to me Rook." He sat in front of you.

"I don't want to be a bother." You replied coyly.

"I don't think you are.  Please, talk to me and I will listen."

"It will sound pathetic." Why did he make you feel so small.

"That is your pride talking.  I care not."

"I'm lonely.  You found your purpose and happiness and I feel empty.  I have nothing and you're leaving me behind."

"Leaving you?  Oh Rook, this is about the sermons?"

"Yes...no...?  You haven't been around.  You haven't spoken to me."

"I'm sorry." He replied wrapping you in a hug.  You hated how weak he made you and how easily you relished his touch.  "I'm sorry I became obsessed and didn't see.  I'm sorry." He kissed your forehead affectionately until you calmed down.  "I will never forsake you Rook.  Never."

For once she let herself believe him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interruptions and Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt these two needed some relief and kindness after the angst. I also love jealous Joseph. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Smut ahead and it's potentially voyeurism? I'm not sure what fucking while talking on a radio counts as.
> 
> Back to work for me tomorrow so slower updates once more.

**Joseph**

Days blended into weeks.  Weeks became months and life in the bunker improved.  Joseph would wake with you and you talked at mealtimes and shared stories of your life or idle chatter about the bunker.  Everyday you would dedicate time to just be near each other even if it was napping on his lap while he read his sermons or he let you cuddle up while you read to him.  Simple acts of intimacy that kept you grounded and sane.

Since your admission you had noted Joseph was also more attentive to your moods gauging if you were doing well or not.  You each still had your alone time but it was manageable.  Every week Joseph would speak to John's bunker and the Peggies there.  Thanks to his gentle guidance they were integrating better and there were fewer problems.  Jacob's Bunker had yet to make contact with you directly but they had managed to get through to John's Bunker at least.  Every week you would call in and chat to Kim or one of the others for some variety in conversation but it wasn't the same as being there in person.  

"Wait you're 44?" You exclaimed with a giggle.  "Old man."

"Hasn't anyone told you to respect your elders?" He replied tickling you as you lay on the couch in front of the fish tank.  

In recent weeks you had grown more comfortable with Joseph and the warmth between you had returned.  Therefore it was not unusual to find you both cuddled close on the couch.

"How old are you then Rook?"

"I'm 29." You replied.  "This kinda explains your Daddy kink."

"What?" He replied looking incredulous.

"You've been trying to get me to call you Father for ages.  Is it cause our age difference or you like younger women and power?"

"So bold." He replied.  "I don't have a Daddy kink thank you." He replied pausing for thought.  "Though I bet you would look good on your knees."

He saw the blush creep up your face as you struggled to maintain eye contact.  

"So a power kink?" You continued.

"Hmm?" He mused wrapping an arm around you.  "More like possessive and power.  To have someone who is mine alone and trusts and loves me implicitly."  The exact opposite to his life experience.  "What about you?  Fair is fair."

"I can't tell that to a Preacher, it's like opening myself to damnation." You evaded. 

"Not gonna work.  We both know you're a sinner."

"I like not being in charge and I like a bit of rough play."

"Interesting." He replied keen to see more of your blush.  "What about Oral?"

"Oh my god, Preacher said a bad word!" You giggled as he punished you with tickles.  "I like giving, still learning to like receiving.  You were the first guy who made it feel good. "  He smiled.  "Ohmygod don't look so smug."

"Can't help it." He chuckled.

"I like being held and kissed." You replied softly with such sincerity.

You gently leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips as he closed his eyes focusing on feeling you.  Your lips were just as soft as he remembered them and you tasted faintly sweet.  As you pulled away it was his turn to chase you and your soft hum of approval stoked a fire he thought had died between you.  You made the first move hitching your leg around his waist and pulling yourself closer to deepen the kiss.  He loved the press of you against him and ran his fingers through your hair.  Since you were no longer fighting you wore it loose more often.  You broke the kiss and traced his neck with gentle kisses and he couldn't help but groan as your hands explored his chest.  

"Oh Rook." he groaned as you ground against his thigh.

 "Yes Joseph?" you replied coyly as you traced a dark hickey you made.

 "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"It's always been you." you replied and he smiled filled with joy.  "Now there's no-one to stop us."

In eagerness he moved to trap you below him as you made out on the couch like a couple of teens.  He trailed his hands up your sides and cupped your breasts through your loose shirt.  Just as he had taken to not wearing shirts you had taken to not wearing trousers and it allowed him free reign to caress your skin.

_"Deputy?  You there?"_

Joseph heard the faint crackle of the radio cut through the silence.

"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me." You growled beneath him.  "Ignore it."

" _Come on Dep, I know you're there nowhere else you can be."_

"I think you should get it."

"Tch fine." You rolled out from underneath him and headed towards the control room.  His eyes followed you across the empty space and felt no shame in your touch or fear of sin.  The pair of you were meant to be.

He followed you more out of desire than curiosity.  

"Deputy here who is it?"

You waved to him from your seat on the barstool and his feet acted all on their own bringing him close to you.  As the reply came through he pressed himself between your thighs and kissed at your neck.

"I totally get the possessiveness." You giggled.

_"Hey Deputy it's Adelaide!"_

"Hi Addie!  What can I do for you?"

_"Well I thought with you being holed up with that pious man you might like some girl talk.  He can't hear us can he?"_

"Uhhhh." He saw your flash of panic and held his finger up to hint for you to keep silent.  "I think he's...ah..praying." 

_"I bet he looks damn good on his knees."_ She laughed in response.  

"Certainly good in those jeans!" You replied your eyes never leaving his.  What a naughty girl you were being.

 

**The Deputy**

Joseph looked at you with such strong desire it made you shiver.  As you clicked the receiver off he took you in a rough kiss and pulled your hips flush.

" _What's it like living with him?  Is he all hail Mary's?"_  

"No, we...uh... decided it was probably best...he...ah!...didn't preach to me."  Joseph was being a fucking tease kissing your neck and tracing his thumbs against the soft skin of the inside of your thighs.

_"You OK kid?"_

"Been sitting down too much, got pins and needles."

_"Tell me about it.  Man do I miss Tulip...and Xander and Yoga..."_

You tried to listen to Addie and her list of complaints but Joseph had chosen that minute to tease the edge of your underwater asking silent permission.  You nodded and kissed his shoulder as his hand dropped below your waist band and teased your slit. 

"So wet for me Rook." He purred.  "She asked you a question."

"Sorry what?"

_"I said how are you entertaining yourself."_

"Reading, cleaning guns, sleeping.  Occasionally I feed the...fish!"

You clicked the receiver off quickly as Joseph pressed his fingers along your slit rubbing your essence back and forth teasing the edge of your clit.  

"What would she say if she knew you were riding my fingers?" He growled.

"Please Joseph, no teasing." You whined.

_"You get any alone time?". Addie's question started you._

"Plenty, I got my own little fort perfect for 'quiet' moments.  I mean he may be an ass but he looks damn fine without a shirt."

_"What about the rest of him?"_ She giggled.  _"You must have seen him naked."_

"Why..." You gasped as Joseph pressed a finger within you.  "Why do you want to know...ummmph.". 

You bit your lip to stifle a moan as Joseph mouthed your breasts through the thin fabric of the shirt.

"You sound so good Rook." He praised.  "So warm and wet for me.  If only she wasn't on the radio I'd taste you and break you apart with my tongue.  All mine."

"All yours." You replied.

"Well, I suppose that I have in the shower and he certainly does not ... disappoint."  You leaned forward and kissed him whispering the next point in his ear.  "He's certainly big enough and so...fucking...thick..."

Joseph moaned and bit your neck rutting against your leg.

_"You totally slept with him!"_ She giggled.

"That's old news." You replied.

_"Dish the dirt bitch!  I mean we all knew John was dying to fuck ya, but Joseph?  You're like catnip to those boys."_

"Don't you know it?" He growled kissing you roughly as he added another finger, fucking you roughly.

_"So.... Don't leave a girl hanging..."_

"It was the best night of my life."  You replied.  "And trust me, he is very charitable." 

_"Hot damn girlie."_

"Say it." He commanded.  "Say what I want to hear and you can come."

"Please Joseph." You moaned.

_"Joseph?"_ Said Addie.  _"He there?"_

Your blood ran cold when you realised that you had gripped the button.   Yet Joseph didn't relent.  

"Just checking in."

_"I best not get you in trouble."_ She replied.  _"Plus Sharky is lurking looking for treats."_

"Al...alright...have fun!" You dropped the receiver and lay back on the table as Joseph traced your clit.

"Say it."

"I'm yours Joseph!  Only yours!" You cried out as Joseph pressed against his mark of Lust.

"All mine." He said possessively.  "Until the end of days.  Come for me Rook." 

Your body bowed off table as you came harshly around his fingers and your scream filled the bunker.  As you came down from your high he cradled you close to his body kissing your face softly as if you were the most precious thing on Earth.  

"Bed?" You asked.

"Sofa's closer." He stated carrying you into the room next door.

 

**Joseph**

His heart was ruling his mind as he carried you to the living room.  You looked radiant in your afterglow and he could not have been happier.  He placed you gently on the edge of the sofa.  He went to kneel before you but you stopped him instead you had him sit and you knelt.

"Didn't you say you wanted to see me on my knees?" You smirked.

"Sweet Rook you mock me."

"Oh no Joseph." You grinned removing his trousers.  "I intend to worship you."

He leaned back on his elbows so he could watch you and hissed at the first touch of your hand around his cock.  Keeping eye contact you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the head of his cock and down the underside teasing him with soft licks.  The feeling of your touch was divine as you licked the bead of pre-cum away.  He ran his fingers through your hair as you looked at him with adoration.  

"Please." He begged and your eyes fluttered with pleasure.

Slowly you teased him licking and kissing as he cried out in praise.  He felt you pinch his thigh and he watched open mouthed as you took him into your mouth.  You were so warm and your tongue darted and teased the underside of his length as you gently sucked.  Your hand worked his base as you bobbed up and down his length and it was heaven.  He didn't care for Pride in how he praised you and thanked you for your touch.  Eager you increased your actions and he felt the familiar hum of pleasure in his gut.

"I'm going to...ah!...cum...wait..."

_"Hey uh amigo you there?"_

"What the fuck is it now?" He hissed as you continued.

"Ignore them." you replied taking him deeper and he was inclined to do so.

_"Hey Dep!  We got a major plan but Mary May says we gotta ask you 'cuz on account of the radio and wasting time.  But if y'all busy I'll just wait."_

"I swear I will kill Hurk myself." you growled and darted away.  "Don't go anywhere!"

_"Whaddya mean she's busy what's there ta' do?"_ he heard the familiar voice of the one called Sharky.

 Joseph cursed under his breath, he had been so close to be thwarted by that idiot and his cousin.  Leaving his trousers behind, he followed you.

 

**The Deputy**

 

"What the fuck is it?" you growled.  "I was busy!"  Joseph had been so close and you wanted to see him unravel.

_"Sorry Dep!  We were just so hyped."_   apologised Sharky.  _"Only one thing that makes a lady that cranky.  Were ya having 'alone time' thinking about us?"_

"God no!  That said thinking of either of you would have the opposite effect" you growled.

Joseph had closed the distance between you and surprised you with his touch.  As the cousins argued about who would be better to picture, Joseph stripped you of your shirt and kissed you possessively.  You wrapped your arms around his neck and relished the feel of his skin against yours.

"Answer their question and try not to get us caught." he chuckled.

He turned you around and pressed you forwards between your shoulder blades so that your body was braced over the radio.  You moaned as he thrust two fingers within you reawakening your arousal.  

"So jealous Joseph dear."  you giggled.

_"Deputy?"_

"Sorry guys, I was dis...tracted...there for a minute." you gasped as Joseph pressed into you slowly.  "Oh fuck." 

_"What's wrong?"_

"Stubbed my toe." you whined as he pressed within you fully and toyed with your clit.  "What was the idea?"

_"Well Wheaty saved his records and I know you can't hear 'em but we thought about broadcasting music between bunkers on the radio for a little each day."_

"Tell me more..." you gasped as he withdrew slowly.  "Joseph you are such a fucking ah!" you cried as he slammed within you again.

"What was that my dear?" he purred leaving kisses on your neck.

"Such a fucking tease!" 

_"I mean you know how much I like my disco!"_ cut in Sharky.  _"We had some good dances didn't we?"_

Oh fuck.  Fucking Sharky and his big mouth.

You felt Joseph's grip tighten on your hip and shoulders as he bent you further and pressed deeper.  You tried to reply but each time you clicked the receiver he thrust making it impossible to focus.

"Do you think they know I'm making love to you?  That as they talk about their mediocre lives I am buried in your sweet heat claiming you.  You feel so good Rook."

"Don't stop, please don't stop."

_"So what do we do?"_

"An hour.  You can...oh fuck...have an hour ...a day... but if Mary Mae says no...Jesus...it doesn't happen.  She's in charge!"  You tried to concentrate but Joseph was done being gentle and teasing.  He thrust into you hard and you had to brace yourself better against the table.  "Oh fuck, Joseph please!  You feel so good!"

"Oh Rook, my sweet Rook.  You're all mine."

_"Thanks Dep!  Hope Joseph isn't being a total dick!"_

You threw the receiver onto the table and reached back to touch Joseph's hand as you looked over your shoulder to watch him.  He looked wild and triumphant as he claimed you.  

"Oh God Joseph.  Please Joseph!  I'm gonna come." 

Joseph smirked and withdrew his chest heaving.  He must have been close too.  You didn't wait for instruction.  Instead you kissed him hard wanting to see him fall apart as he did so to you.  Eager, he took you by the hand and lead you to his bed pushing you onto the mattress below him.  You parted your thighs eager to have him within you again.  You were thankful he wasn't in a playful mood as he joined you.  Your bodies moved as one as you touched and savoured each other.  Sweet praise and soft touches cemented the passion between you earlier.  

"I love you." he gasped his movements growing erratic.  He was close and so were you.  "I love you."

You came with a sharp cry as you held him tight. "You're mine Joseph, all mine as I am yours." you smiled.  "I love you."

He withdrew at the last moment and came across your stomach marking the letters of lust with his seed.  You watched him closely as he unraveled relishing seeing him lose control.  Foreheads pressed together you held each other close as fatigue started to wash over you.

"Shower?" you suggested and Joseph grumbled against your shoulder.

"Later." he hummed.  "For now this.  For now just us.  No interruptions."

The radio was silent for the rest of the night.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is the difference between surviving and living?
> 
> Or
> 
> Joseph gets broody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've updated the chapter count! Not long to go I'm afraid and it's been a wild ride! Deffo want to write more Joseph and maybe Jacob.
> 
> Anyhow,  
> Please enjoy!

**The Deputy**

A year had passed and life was balanced between you.  Your bitterness towards Joseph had subsided as your affection grew.  Whether it was because he hadn't experienced unconditional affection before or because you were his supposed destiny, he showered you with affection and wasn't afraid to tell you his feelings.  Yet, even after months of affirmation, he would become a mess when you told him of your affections and become shy.  He had explained how it was new for him and you took it upon yourself to prove what genuine love was like.

He had even begun to approach talking about God and his beliefs once more.  You both challenged each other regularly but you were both too stubborn to yield.  But occasionally, when the mood took you, you would listen to his sermons to his small flock and get lost in the fervour of his passion.  His loud ostentatious display of faith replaced by quiet, introspective intimacy and reverence.  Those that survived were special and he made sure they felt like that.

The other Bunkers seemed to be managing well and there had yet to be a death which you were thankful for.  However nearing the end of the second year you received word of the first pregnancy.  A new hope in the barren world.  You and Joseph had used some of your precious alcohol store to celebrate and he even sent his own congratulations.  He would show kindness and follow the Lord's golden rule of doing to others how you have them do to you.

However the talk of pregnancy awoke something new in Joseph.  You noticed him staring more and during sex he would often rest his hand over your abdomen.  You had already inferred by his actions the talk of babies had made him broody, but it took him a few months to admit it was something he desired.  You were curled up on the sofa scribbling poetry in your ragged journal, when he sat across in the arm chair looking serious.

"What's wrong Joseph?" You asked not looking up at him.

He didn't reply straight away but you could see he was nervous.  He rarely showed his fear or anxiety to you.  He was so confident in God's plan that he wasn't afraid.  But, you he couldn't predict and this was often when you'd find him worrying.  You sighed and closed your book leaving it on the pillow so you could straddle his lap.  His hands gripped your hips which anchored him and helped him calm down.

"I promise I won't be angry."

"I want us to have a child." He said as if he couldn't contain the idea much longer.  "I want us to have a child and raise it together with love."

"I see." 

"Well you're not screaming so this is going better than I thought."

You chuckled and stroked his cheek.  Up until now you had been pretty insistent on using protection.  You had been prudent enough to stock up on condoms in the bunker for the future and as an emergency survival tool.  You hadn't fancied facing the post apocalypse diseases if you chose to take a lover.  Yet you didn't know how you could bring a child into the world not knowing what lay beyond the bunker doors or the horror they would face.

"What are you thinking Rook?" He asked looking concerned.

"I don't know if we should." You replied honestly.  "We don't know what's out there.  What if there is nothing left even after 7 years?  How can we bring them into a world without hope?  Besides, the thought of keeping both of us alive terrifies me.  Keeping us and a child alive?  Terrifying."

"But while we're in here is the best time.  We can raise them safely through their first years and they'll be strong enough to survive.  You are so strong my angel, and think how stubborn we are, that should count for something?" He smiled.

"True...but what if something went wrong during the pregnancy...what if...?" You sighed resting your forehead on his.  "I want to, I would.  I've always wanted a family Joseph but I'm scared.  Scared it will change us both or break us apart."

"Nothing we make together would ever be a curse." He replied.  "You're not angry for me asking?"

"No, I could tell you were thinking about it."  You smiled warmly.  "Besides, we're not even married!  Isn't that a sin for you?"

"You've been mine from the start.  Marriage would be a formality for an already acknowledged truth." He replied confidently.  

"What truth is that?" You kissed you way down his jaw.

"That we are soulmates.  That we complete each other."

He tugged you forward so he could kiss you sweetly which quickly became heated.

"It's not a no Joseph.  Just let me think about it ok?"

"Of course my love."

"We can always keep practicing right?" You chuckled.

" Definitely."

 

Joseph

 

Joseph could not deny the idea of creating new life had begun to become an obsession.  There was always the idea within the Project about procreation and he had imagined taking a wife but more because it was a duty.  There had been none who had challenged and supported him in the way you had.  Yet since finding you he thought of it less as duty but desire.

Some nights while you were asleep he watched you and imagined the family you would have.  A faceless boy or girl who called him Father and who looked at him with the adoration he once held for his.  He imagined you round with his child and glowing as he cared for you both.  He would never be the man his Father was.

"Daydreaming again?" You teased sitting on his lap still.

"Sorry." He replied.

"Perhaps I should distract you?"

"Distract me?  You have my full attention."

"Good," you replied with a cheeky smile "Then perhaps you can help me with something in the bedroom?"

He smirked as you climbed off him and left the room.  At the doorway you removed your shirt revealing your bare form underneath before walking away.  You always called him the tease but you were naughty in your own way.  A flirtatious glance here, a soft touch there even your smile teased him.

He followed you and found you waiting for him reclined like a goddess on your shared bed.  You beckoned him over and he followed like a puppy ready for his treat.

 

The Deputy - 6 months later.

_"Hey Deputy! We got our first bunker born baby!"  Called Kim over the radio.  "My little girl is gonna have herself a new friend."_

"Let's cut the shit.  Boy or Girl?"

_"What the fuck?  It's a joyous occasion."_

"Oh...yay?  A baby!" You responded with false cheer.  "Look I've had a bet with Joseph for 6 months and since she went into Labour it has been intense!"

_"What the fuck you two?"_

"She started it, I joined in so she'd stop asking.". Added Joseph.

_"Just.  What the fuck? You're as bad as Nick.  I had to confiscate his winnings from the betting pool he had.  What was the bet?"_

"That is personal.  Just fucking tell us!" You snapped.

_"Fucking Christ!  Oops, sorry Joseph.  It's a boy!"_

Joseph smiled.

"Are you sure?  Maybe you didn't cut the umbilical cord properly?" You asked.

_"I'm pretty sure it's a boy Dep.  I'm guessing you lost."_

"Yeah, dammit!"

_"Well hopefully it isn't too bad!"_

You hung up the receiver and turned to face Joseph.  "Alright you win, Joseph"

"Sorry what was that."

"Alright you win, Father." You emphasised.

"Finally." He smirked.  "I'm going to enjoy the next month."

"Well I'm not doing it in bed.  _Father_." You teased.

Joseph took full advantage of his bet refusing to acknowledge you until you used his title.  He was such a stubborn shit.  As dinner heated up on the stove you noticed the calendar and realised it had been almost two years since you were buried underground.  You had missed your birthday.  Not that time was clear down here.

"Hey we missed our birthdays." You said.  "It's been two years..."  Joseph didn't reply.  

As part of your weekly routine you exercised together and you had taught Joseph how to defend himself better.  Since your revalation about time you had felt your melancholy about the end of the world return and how long you had left still to hide.  You were so trapped in your head that Joseph easily pinned you.

"Where's your head at?  You seem lost."

"Just...it's only been two years.  It feels like more and I've missed so much."

"Perhaps you should pray with me?  Even if you meditate it may give you a focus.  I find it comforts me." 

"You know Father, that may not be a bad idea."

 When it came to evening prayers, Joseph encouraged you to sit with him and close your eyes.  He whispered his prayers as if having a private conversation.  You however, found it difficult to cope with the quiet.  What were you hoping for?  A miracle?  Or perhaps a vision like Joseph had.

At the end of the session you still felt no clearer but it had given you time to think.  

"How was it?"

"It was...quiet." you replied.  "In honesty Father, I envy you.  Envy how you have this big plan and know your place and that, that's enough for you.  But I just don't have that kind of faith.  I never have.  The unknown scares me."

"True the Lord spoke to me but there were many times he didn't.  I realised that the strength I sought and the reassurance I needed could only come from within myself.  He can show us the path, but it is up to us to take it."

"So I need to take control?"

"In a manner of speaking.  Surviving has been our goal for so long and now that we have achieved that we find there is more to life and a difference between surviving and living."

"I suppose you're right.  What am I surviving for?"

"Something only you can answer or perhaps the Lord will answer."

That night while you slept wrapped in Joseph's warm embrace you dreamt of happier days above ground.  Of simpler times and ice cream.  Of hope and happiness.  Of family.

You awoke with a clarity and a sense of peace.  Family gave you purpose.  You fought and clawed your way to survival without direction.  You had always wanted a family but buried in a bunker with a religious leader was not what you expected.  But he loved you didn't he?  You watched Joseph as he slumbered.  The tension in his face melted away as he slept and he was unburdened.  You were scared.  So very scared.

"What's wrong my angel?" Mumbled Joseph sleepily.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't.  What is wrong?"

"I had an epiphany of sorts but it left me more afraid."

"I'll protect you." He mumbled.  "The Lord will guide us to Eden's Gate."

You smiled realising he was still half asleep.  "I have faith in you Joseph."

"I have faith in you too." He replied.  "My angel."

He held you close and you drifted to sleep once more.  The next morning you woke up refreshed and although you were still afraid you had a renewed sense of hope.  You joined Joseph again during his prayers and through his sermon.  He spoke about family and the joy of new life as another child had been born in Bunker 2.  Kim had clearly not to told you to prevent you from gambling again.  As Joseph listened to the fears of his flock you knew what you wanted.  

"How was the sermon?" He asked.

"Peaceful and hopeful."

"Hope is all we want and new life always brings the greatest hope.  One day I hope we can share in that hope as well."

"I'd like that." You replied.  "I'd like to try, if you still want to that is?"

"Nothing would make me happier." He smiled.  "A child would be the greatest gift that we could be blessed with.  Are you sure?"

"I am.  I'm scared but I am gonna trust in you that we will be alright.  I want to try."

"Thank you," he replied kissing you softly.  "Such a precious gift you are."

"You say that now but when. I have cravings and what I want is incinerated remember that."

"We'll find a way... together."

"Together." You agreed.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph and the Deputy make a family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man it has been an awful week at work so this is super fluffy and apologies if its not as great. There are mentions of Joseph' s past child abuse but nothing graphic just in case that worries anyone.
> 
> So yes, smut and fluff and hope!
> 
> Please note there are time jumps in the chapter.

**11 months ago - The Deputy**

Since you had shared your desire for parenthood Joseph was a man on a mission.  He took you at every opportunity on every surface of the bunker you could use. Each time he would make sure to press his cum within you and tease your oversensitive body in the afterglow.  Yet despite the passion you were both still sweet and loving.  Still, 3 months later and you still were not having success.  You were growing frustrated, naively you thought it would be easy.  Time it right, get Joseph to pay a baby making deposit and bam! You'd be pregnant.  You were a healthy woman right?  You sighed and sent a quiet prayer for help and hope.  Joseph knew of your concerns and tried to reassure you.  He believed it was because of his age because now, at 46, he perhaps was not as fertile as you at the age of 31.  Still it reassured you that he didn't blame you and it meant that sex didn't become a chore.

Joseph had been secretive all day but refused to tell you why.  He had even locked you out when using the radio and locked you in your bedroom.  The location of your current imprisonment made you believe that he was up to something kinky especially when you found the purple dress on the bed.  It was one of the few you had scavenged.  It was knee length and wrapped around your body with a sweetheart neckline.  Sequins and beads embellished the neckline like jewels and when you had tried it on you felt stunning which is why you had avoided wearing it as it was one of the last nice things you had.  Yet here it was laid out with a brief note to: dress up.

As dinnertime approached you heard the hiss of the door opening and their Joseph stood in fully clothed glory.  He had managed to find the only white shirt and waistcoat in the apocalypse.  You were so used to him topless that to see him clothed was a special treat.

 "My love." He smiled closing the distance between you.  "You look stunning."

 "You as well," you replied kissing him softly.  "Now why was I locked in our room today?"

 He took you by the hand and lead you to the kitchen where you could smell your favourite food.  Gone was the bare wood and in its place Joseph had created a miniature restaurant.  The table had a cover, your plates looked sparkling and there was even a fake plastic flower as a centerpiece.

 "I made us dinner.  I know you feel responsible for our lack of success but you are not.  We are in this together...forever." he said against the back of your neck where he pressed soft kisses.  "My lady?" He joked and lead you to the table and sat you down.  From the kitchen he brought your favourite ration pack heated and ready to eat and placed it before you before leaving to the radio room.  

 You heard the sound of a speaker turning on and soft music fill the silence though it sounded very distant but the sound of soft Jazz filtered through.

 "Joseph Seed I never imagined you were a romantic."

 "For you, for us, I will do anything."

 "I love this, I love you.  Thank you."

 You ate and talked sharing stories and relishing simple intimate touches such as holding hands as you ate your dinner.  The soft music completing the atmosphere.

 "How did you get the music?"

 "Kim helped.  Wheaty is playing through their radio and she's rigged the mic to pick it up."

 "Amazing!" You smiled.  

 "You have people who truly care for you."

 "I'm starting to see that." You replied.

 "Care to dance?"

 He lead you to the radio room where the music was louder and wrapped you in his embrace and you mirrored him.  Slowly you rocked back and forth and kissed to the sounds of the sweet music losing yourself in each other.  

"This is lovely Joseph, but I don't know I ..."

 "You do deserve it." He stated.  "And I love you and we are just as important as making a baby."

 You smiled and kept dancing even when Kim shut off the connection, you gently swayed to each others rhythms.  For once being just the two of you felt like a blessing rather than a curse.  You lead him back to the bedroom and kissed him relishing the soft press of his lips as you teased open the buttons of his shirt and kissed the exposed skin.

"Thank you so much.  I feel very happy." You said hugging him tight.

"The night is still young my love." He replied.  Reaching around he unzipped your dress which you allowed to pool at your feet.  His sharp exhale and wide eyes made you feel beautiful.  "Such a minx." He chuckled.

"Well you only left a dress for me to wear.  I didn't see any underwear with it." You giggled sitting back on the bed.

He stood and watched as you caressed your skin running your hands up and down your body teasing your breasts and slit.  Joseph watched enraptured as you touched yourself.  He was so still and his eyes were fixed on yours.

"Oh my dear Rook." He growled.  "Touch yourself, get yourself wet for me."

"Anything for you Joseph" you replied.

You ran your fingers up and down your slit spreading the wetness around your clit.  Lazily you explored yourself keeping eye contact with Joseph the whole time.  The harsh rise and fall of his chest the only indication it was effecting him.

"Press your fingers inside." He commanded and you followed.  As you watched he removed his shirt and trousers leaving him as bare as you.  

"Oh God, oh Joseph, please!" You moaned aloud.

Joseph grabbed a pillow and dropped it on the ground by his feet.  You knew what he wanted and eagerly knelt before him.  You loved unraveling him with your mouth.  You looked up at him and he caressed your face encouraging your mouth to open.

"Don't stop playing with that pretty pussy." He commanded as his hands threaded through your hair.

You licked the tip of his cock and took the tip in your mouth as you sucked and teased his sensitive flesh.  He moaned praise as you tried to pleasure him and show your care for him.  

"That's it, you take me so well Rook.  You're perfect, my Angel, mine." He gently rocked his hips.  You could feel him starting to lose control until he pulled you away.  "Bed my love, I will only come within you."

You called his name so sweetly when he entered you and it was like the first time you held each other, loving and sweet.  His touches lingered and he worshiped you and you reciprocated tracing the edge of his tattoos with your tongue and worshiping him until you both were wound up and on the edge.  Kneeling above him you rocked vigorously against him as his hand held your hip while the other teased your clit.  You took your time savouring the feeling of him within you and silencing his groans with soft kisses and praise.  Eventually Joseph could take no more and seized control, flipping you onto your back.  He pressed your knees back towards your chest spreading you open so he could reach deeper to plant his seed.  You ran your fingers down his back desperate to keep contact.  he grabbed your hands and interlinked your fingers as he pressed you into the mattress.  You came with a sharp cry and writhed against him until he cried out and pressed deeply within you.  Gently he withdrew and you held your knees so that you could keep his seed within you. 

"That was wonderful." Joseph sighed curling up next to you.  He rested his hand possessively over your lower abdomen where his seed pooled within you.  "I love you."

"I love you too Joseph.  Can we do this again?"

"Same time next month." he chuckled.

 

** 2 months later - The Deputy. **

 

It was date night once more.  Since Joseph's surprise you had made it a monthly event but this time you hoped to make it more special.  This was the second month without your period.  Last month you thought it was an error, so didn't tell Joseph but as the weeks stretched on you entertained the idea more and more.  Now you had missed another you were fairly certain what was the cause.  Locked in the bathroom you felt the seconds drag like minutes as you waiting for the white stick to answer your prayers.  Just 5 more minutes.

 

**Joseph**

 

Joseph had noticed a change in the Deputy over the last couple of weeks.  She was definitely hiding something, yet she had not asked him for any help.  But perhaps he was being paranoid.  Her demeanor had not dramatically changed he just felt like she was holding back.  Perhaps tonight would ease his fears and you would share whatever it was you were keeping secret.  Perhaps you had changed your mind about having children?  Or had gotten bored of him?  The sickening anxiety began to creep back into his gut but he dismissed it as you joined him in the kitchen dressed in a summery maxi dress.  He would enjoy peeling it off you later.

"Are you ready for dinner?" he asked.

"Yes, Father, I am starving." you replied and he frowned at your use of his title.  You only called him that when you lost a bet or were being sarcastic.

"Alright." he replied confused.

You continued much the same as before talking and caring for each other but you kept calling him Father.  It would have normally brought him great joy but with his previous unease it was unnerving.  By the time you lead him to dance he was certain something was wrong.  As you danced together his resolve broke.

"If I have upset you, please tell me rather than keep teasing me." he said holding you close so that you wouldn't see his face.  "I know there is something you're not telling me."

"Teasing you?" you replied.

"Calling me Father, I know you don't mean it."

"Oh Joseph." you replied with a small laugh.  "I'm just practicing."

"Why?" he felt his throat constrict and the words would not come out.

"Well in another 7 months or so I'll be needing to say it a lot." 

He heard you chuckle and thought what was so funny and what did 7 mon...  "You're pregnant" he shouted as his mind caught up with what you said.  "I'm going to be a father."

"Yes." you smiled as he held you tighter.  "We're going to be parents.  I did the test a few minutes ago."

"Thank you!" he cried, tears of joy spilling down his face.  He never imagined having a family again after everything and he would only ever have you.  He couldn't thank you enough for giving him something so precious.  "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you."

You were going to be a family.

 

**6 months until due date - The Deputy.**

 

You had been putting off this phonecall for as long as you possibly could.  Although Kim had come to terms with your strange relationship with Joseph you knew many of the others hadn't.  However it was the Holland Valley bunker that held the last remaining midwife and you were going to need help if you were going to reach full term.  You were nearly 3 months pregnant.  You were fairly certain the baby was safe, and you were as prepared as you were going to be telling them.  Joseph sat quietly at your feet his head resting on your lap and he held your hand to reassure you.  Since finding out about the baby he had been even more doting.  Perhaps to reduce your fears after the story he told you in Jacob's compound and in part because he had something that was his creation and pure.  Either way the extra affection had eased some of your darker moods when your hormones didn't cooperate or when he rubbed your back after being sick.  Yet you had no idea what was to come and you hated to admit you're frightened.

"Deputy to Bunker 1, come in, over."

_"This is Bunker 1, Mary May Speaking, over."_

"Hey Mary May, how are you doing?"  You hadn't really spoken to the bar owner on the radio and you knew she would dislike you now that you were with Joseph.

_"I'm alright traitor." she replied coldly.  "What do you want?"_

"Can you please ask Kim and Addie to talk to me on the radio in private please.  I need their help."

_"Fine, but no promises."_

You sighed in relief at her cooperation and unconsciously you rubbed your abdomen.  Not that you were showing yet but it brought you comfort.  No matter how the others felt about you, you had made your decision and were determined to stand by it.  

_"Hey Dep!  What's happening that's got you all worried?" came Addie's cheery voice._

"Are you and Kim alone?"

_"Yeah not a soul here and we turned the speaker down."_

"Look, I need your help and advice and you have both been so kind and supportive....I'mhavingJoseph'sbabyandI'mthreemonthsalong."  all the words tumbled out before you could stop.  You didn't realise how much you were shaking until Joseph rubbed your calf soothingly.

_"Say again Rook?"_

"I'm pregnant, about three months along and I have no idea what to do or expect."

  _"Congratulations!  I mean it sucks it's Joseph's but..."_

"Addie..."

_"What she means is, although half is Joseph who is ....Joseph.  The other half of the baby it you and you're amazing!" cheered Kim._

"Thanks." you replied.  "I know that you aren't friends with him or anything but we both just want the child to be healthy and safe.  You've both been through it,"

_"I been trying to forget Hurk for years." joked Addie_

"And I really could use a friend, I'm so scared I could mess this up.  I know you guys have the midwife but before I speak to her I need someone friendly."

_"Don't worry Dep, we got your back.  Why don't you start telling us how you been feeling?"_

_"Also, Kim here, am I allowed to start a betting pool for the baby's gender?"_

You looked at Joseph and he chuckled remembering your stunt a few months back and he nodded against your leg.

"Sure go ahead."

 

**2 months until due date - Joseph**

 

"Come on, we're trapped in a bunker for another four years, we've nothing but time to come up with baby names!"  You giggled from where you lay on the bed scribbling names into a journal.

"What about Luke?"  Joseph offered.  "Or David for a boy?"

 "Both very good biblical names my sweet.  What about Elias?  Alice for a girl?"

 "Both acceptable."

Silence fell between you.  You were happy picking baby names as you caressed and cooed at your bump.  He had a question he wished to voice but knew it would ruin the peace.

"What about John?  or Faith?  or Jacob?" he asked quietly.  He had imagined naming his child after his siblings in a vain attempt to give them a new life.   When you didn't immediately reply he knew your response.  He stood needing space.

"Where are you going?"

"I need...need some space to clear my head."

"I didn't say no Joseph, I was just thinking.  Will you come back and talk to me after you've calmed down?"

 "Alright."

For an hour he paced and he prayed trying to bury the raging feelings within him as he felt his sorrow twist to anger.  But true to his promise when he regained enough control he returned and sat beside you.

"I'm not against it." you began taking his hand.  "If I had a choice I would say Jacob rather than John.  Jacob gave everything to protect you all and took the worst for it.  I know John didn't have it easier but he had an adult life of peace and luxuries compared to Jake.  As for Faith.  I'd rather not, but perhaps we could use Rachel?  I know that was her real name."

"Jacob then," he replied quietly with a weak smile "Thank you for considering it.  Rachel was not who my Faith was." 

"I don't think Faith was who Rachel was but we're a team now, a family." you pulled him into a hug.  "You, me and baby make three.  Of course I'd listen.  Oh?  OH!  Quick give me your hand!" you giggled grabbing his hand and placing it on your bump.  "Clearly our baby likes the sound of Jacob." you smiled.

Joseph felt the small press of something on your stomach against his hand.  He lifted your shirt and saw the outline of something pressing from within. 

"I wish our child wouldn't keep kicking my bladder though." you chuckled laying back down and Joseph touched wherever the baby kicked.

 You laughed as he kissed the sensitive and stretched skin.

"Whoever you are little one, we will love you with everything we are capable of." he promised the life growing within you.  "You will never face what we did, and I will never stop loving you.  You will be our treasure." he nuzzled against your bump.  "Just as your mother is my treasure."

 

**1 month until due date - The Deputy**

You awoke in the night feeling cold and with the familiar knocking of the baby against your bladder.  You were getting closer to your due date now and your belly was swollen and your bladder felt like the size of a pea.  Immediately you noticed that Joseph's warmth was missing but another well placed kick reminded you of why you were awake.  Sore and swollen with fluid you waddled towards the bathroom to relieve yourself.  When you returned you found your bed still empty and went in search of Joseph.  He wasn't in the living area nor the radio room.  Instead you found him quietly praying in the spare bedroom.  As quietly as you could you walked behind him and sat on the nest you had made in the room.  You massaged your stomach as he continued to pray and when he finished he looked up at you with teary eyes.

"Why are you awake love?"

"Our little one decided it would be a good idea to play football with my bladder." you replied with a smile.  "Why are you awake?"

"I...I...had a nightmare one I couldn't shake." he replied cautiously.

"Tell me about it." you beckoned him over and he joined you on the bed but you noticed he avoided touching you.

"I dreamed I was a boy again in Rome, with Jacob and John." he began, emotions already fighting to consume him.  "We had done some insignificant thing wrong as even our existence was a problem to him and he was going to beat us.  As he whipped Jacob like I saw him do countless times the dream changed and I was in the place of my Father and a faceless child, our child, was in it's place and I had become the monster."  Joseph broke down in tears and you wrapped him in a hug.  

He cried but didn't make a move to hold you. All you did was hold him until he was calmer.  You could feel his pain and anguish and had known you were not the only one with fears.

"You won't be like him Joseph." you broke the silence as you ran your fingers through his hair.  "Two reasons why I absolutely believe this.  One, you would never want to inflict that pain you felt on a child.  Just look at how much you cared and loved your family.  Your Father was without love."

"And two?" he asked quietly.

"Do you ever think I would let you do that to our child?"

"You're right." he croaked, "It was just so real."

"I know baby, I know." you cooed.  "We'll work this out together and find something that works.  I mean we got this far didn't we?"  When Joseph didn't reply you placed his hand over the bump.  "We'll work this out together.  Sword and Shield remember?"

You held each other in the quiet darkness until you couldn't contain it any longer.

"Joseph."

"Yes?"

"I really want some spinach dipped in milk."

Joseph laughed heartily.  "I'll see what we can do."

 

**Now - The Deputy**

 

"Oh Fuck." you curse feeling wet between your thighs.  "JOSEPH!" you shouted as you gripped the edge of the chair.

"What is it?" he said racing in.

"Baby's coming." 

"Alright, OK, we can do this, the Midwife told us what to do."

"Oh shit here it comes." you winced gripping the back of the chair as the contraction began.

"I'm going to radio the midwife."

"I'll time the contractions then." you groaned.  "What happened to not panicking?" 

"I'm not panicking.  I'm being prudent.  Bunker 1?  This is Joseph, please get the midwife asap!"

_"Roger that, good luck Dep!"_

"GO SUCK A DICK AND DIE!" you roared as the next contraction began.

Over the next few hours you paced and cursed as the contractions began to get closer and closer together.  Joseph tried to be a comfort but regretted offering his hand to hold through the worst but you supposed it was a worthwhile exchange.  The midwife said you had to wait until you dilated to at least 10cm.  Though you swore if Joseph held up the ruler to measure again you couldn't be held responsible for your actions.

"Oh fuck it's so bad now." you moaned.  "Why did we think this was a good idea?  Why did I let you convince me?  Next time you're carrying the baby and I'm having the ruler."

"You're doing so well, please put the sharp implement down, it's been another hour I need to measure."

"Measure my fucking fist." your growled in pain.  "How much more?"

"Not too long, you're almost there."

"I'd better be!!!"

Another hour and you were ready.  Joseph was in charge of helping deliver the baby while your job was to push.  You wish you had an epidural or anything for the pain.  The only drugs you had would pose a danger to both you and the baby.  So the leather belt between your teeth was your only option.

"Joseph, I'm scared.  What if it goes wrong?"

"God will protect us." he said as utter certainty.  "and I will protect you.  Now, when the next contraction begins you need push." you nodded, tears already covering your face.

"It's coming." you whined biting on the leather as you screamed.

Joseph guided you calmly, praising your efforts but it was lost in the haze of pain and emotions coursing through you.

"I can see the head, you're doing so well."

You mind began to drift from consciousness as you pushed as hard as you could your cries filling the bunker until a new sharp cry filled the room.

"You did it, you did it baby." you heard Joseph say distantly.  "Rook?" he shook you awake.

"Look it's our daughter, it's a girl." he said teary with joy.  He handed you the small bundle and you held her close even as fatigue was fogging your mind.  She was beautiful with a crop of hair like your own but startling blue eyes like her father.  She was perfect and worth all tat you had gone through.  "She's perfect my love." he said holding you and supporting the baby.

"I know what we should call her." you said sleepily.  "Eden."

"Eden." repeated Joseph.  "It's perfect."

"We love you our Eden." you whispered into her ear.  "We will always love you." 

And in that moment it was just you, Joseph and Eden and the bunker that was so steadfast through the destruction of the world was filled with the light of hope and Eden.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and the fluff!  
> Also FYI: At this point approx. 2 years and 11 months have passed in the bunker.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Countdown to Eden's Gate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff and sweetness and sin. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Now to write the last chapter! I can't believe it!

  **Later on that day- the Deputy**

You awoke sore and still heavily fatigued but Joseph had taken care to return you to bed.  Sleepily you called out for him and as you rose you saw him asleep in a chair beside you with Eden cradled carefully against his chest.  You stood on shaky legs and carefully lifted the sleeping baby and held her against you.  She was so small and fragile but yet so perfect.  She stirred slightly and began to cry out quietly though she was able to latch onto you with little extra help.  Joseph woke at the sound of her cry but relaxed when he saw you holding her.  He looked as exhausted as you.  Joining you on the bed he held you as he looked down on the small bundle in your arms.  

"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

"Tired, sore, stretched out of shape but elated.  We made her.  Something so fragile and new made from the best of us.  I'm terrified."

"Me too but she is hope and our new world will be just for her.  I love you."

"Have you told the others?"

"No, I thought I'd wait until you were awake."

"Then let's introduce her to the world."

You turned on the radio and sat with the baby in the chair while Joseph held the receiver.  By the initial response it sounded like half the bunker had crammed in the small room.

"Hi everyone," you said feeling suddenly shy,  "Joseph and I are pleased to announce the arrival of Eden our beautiful daughter.  We are both healthy and doing well.  Thanks to your help and advice Joseph was able to deliver her safely."

_"Has she fed yet?"_

"Yes, a few minutes ago. she's sleeping in my arms."

_"Congratulations you two!  Even though you lost me money!" laughed Kim.  "Man we're gonna have a party!"_

"I'm glad you're happy.  I think we are going to rest."

 

**3 years 10 months until leaving the bunker - The Deputy**

Life had fallen into a tense, but stable routine.  Eden was growing well and you took it in turns to get up and comfort her, though there was little to no extra baby food in the bunker.  Dutch had prepared for his son's family but not the potential for newborns.  As such you had to keep eating and resting regularly to make sure you produced enough milk and you mashed whatever you could to supplement.  The midwife kept in touch and you sent regular measurements and little by little Eden was beginning to fill out.

Your favourite time of day was when Joseph sang to her before bed time.  You would lie on the bed and listen to the simple nursery rhymes and happier hymns that he would sing until she fell asleep and laid her down in her makeshift crib.  He would return to you then and hold you tight as you both listened to her soft sounds of her breathing and felt peace.  As soon as you had been strong enough you began exercising to tighten and lose the weight you gained from pregnancy.  Although it wasn't much thanks to the rationed diet you were on you wanted to be strong and fit for Eden especially when she learned how to crawl.  

When Joseph had a sermon you would sit with little Edne on your lap and when she would become unsettled you would walk up and down the long corridors singing the tunes you remembered hearing as a baby.  It was then Joseph's turn to listen as he admired you equally and you both were happy.

On some nights Joseph would still wake in a panic fearful of his past becoming his future.  But you were always there to soothe him and rationalise his fears.  Though as of late he began to have nightmares of a different kind.  He relived the accident that took his wife and feared it as a prophecy of your own loss.  On those nights he took no comfort from you or Eden instead secluding himself away.  

You were also haunted by nightmares of the world before the collapse.  You were bombarded with the deaths of those by your hand and grisly sins you had committed to achieve them.  On those nights Joseph found you hidden in a corner holding Eden tightly as if she could chase away those sins.  As every time you looked in those blue eyes and she smiled at you, you felt born anew and forgiven.  Everything you did was for her.

You would both live for her.

 

**3 years until leaving the bunker - The Deputy**

"Happy birthday!' you cheered singing along with Jacob.

"Dada!  Mama!" Eden clapped awkwardly along with you giggling as you helped her blowout the makeshift candle.

"Who's the birthday girl!" You giggled twirling and bouncing her in the air.  "My little bear!" You chuckled.

Eden was becoming more and more her own person.  She liked Joseph's singing over yours but she tended to follow and mimic you more.  Since she learned to crawl you both had been terrorised by her disappearing and reappearing.  At least before when you put her down she stayed in place.  Many times while Joseph was doing his sermon she would sneak up on him and surprise him mid broadcast.  By now his followers were used to it.

"Mama!" she giggled pushing away and you sat her on the floor.  She was exploring the bunker more freely and learning how to pull herself up.  You were pretty sure that she would be walking in the next few months and were determined to see it as "Dada" was her first word.  You and Joseph watched happily from the couch as she played while you ate the remains of your desert.

"What do you say we barricade her in her room tonight?"  Joseph asked hand gently caressing your thigh.  "We could have some alone time."

"Alone time sounds good, but...can we keep the lights off?" 

"You were never shy before?"

"I hadn't given birth then.  My body has changed Joseph, I'm shy."

"Then allow me to work on your fears." he smiled.

Sure enough when Eden fell asleep Joseph ushered you to bed and went to tuck her in.  When he returned he placed a table covering the bottom of the door.  So even if she did escape Eden couldn't climb over or see what was going on and they could still hear her.

"All mine, my love." he smiled climbing over your prone form.  "I have missed holding you like this."

"We had a baby." you replied.  "She took over our time."

"Well now she's old enough to sleep for a few hours I intend to make up for lost time."

Joseph didn't wait to gently remove your clothes.  In one move he tore your threadbare shirt in two exposing your upper body to him.  You hastened to cover yourself but he was quicker pinning your hands by your head.  

"No hiding my love.  You are everything to me regardless of the marks your body bears.  I will prove it to you." he smiled.

Slowly he undid his belt and took it from the loops of his jeans.  Taking your hands he used the belt to bind them to the metal headboard leaving you exposed to him.  You had enjoyed being restrained before but now you were anxious.  Your stomach was striped with stretch marks that had faded with time but were still a mark on your once perfect stomach.  So many imperfections that only you could see and yet Joseph seemed blind to them.

"So perfect." he praised and you hated how it made you blush.  "Why hide these?  They are a sign of the gift you gave us.  You were so good, my good girl." he growled.   

Joseph crawled down the bed until he was facing your abdomen.  One by one he kissed each stretch mark praising you and your beauty for each one.  You didn't know when you started crying overwhelmed by his adoration.  By the time he pressed his tongue to your sex you were close to orgasm and with a few flicks of his tongue he had you biting your fist as you came.  He continued to tease you as you wriggled beneath him desperate to keep quiet and as you almost cried out he silenced you with a kiss.  He removed his trousers and pressed his length against you rubbing himself against your wetness.  You moaned desperate to touch him, but he teased you relentlessly.

"Please Joseph," you begged.  "Please I need you so much, please."

"That sounds so good," he growled nipping and sucking marks into your neck.  Dammit!" he cursed.

"What's wrong?"

"Protection."

"I don't care." you replied.  "If God wants us to have another than so be it, but if I don't feel you inside me soon I feel like I will burn away."

As Joseph pressed within you, you arched to his touch feeling very full and deliciously stretched.  You watched him desperately try to keep control despite your body clenching so tightly around him and he wasn't even fully seated within you.  

"Oh fuck, you feel so good Joseph, god I missed this!" you mumbled and couldn't stop yourself.  Wait, wait." you urged him and he stopped with a low growl.  "I need to do this on my front so I can use the pillow."  Joseph nodded and withdrew before gently untying your hands and rubbing the ache away before you turned away raising your ass up and him and pressing your face into the pillow.  

Joseph wasted no time and entered you in one smooth, swift thrust.   Your cry was muffled by the pillow as he pressed and ground against you stimulating you deeply.  Slowly he withdrew teasing your sensitive walls before fucking you deeply.  He knew exactly how to play your body and you were helpless as he lost control and took you with abandon.  You were grateful for the pillow so that Eden wouldn't wake up.

"Oh god, fill me up Joseph." you whined as you toyed with your clit.  "Give me another baby."

Joseph broke and muffled his cry against your shoulder as he came within you.  You felt his come cover your insides and the familiar warmth return as your orgasm hit with a few more gentle touches.  Panting loudly, you both collapsed onto the bed.  Who knew Joseph really enjoyed getting you pregnant?  

"I think I found your weakness." you giggled curling to his side.  "You really do like being a daddy, just not to me."

"Quiet," he mumbled.  "Be careful how you wield your powers."

"Oh I think I know exactly how to use them."

"I love you too." 

 

**2 years 3 months until leaving the bunker - The Deputy**

"OH GOD WHY DID I LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS!"

"This time it was all you." he replied checking everything was alright.  

"WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT!" you cried out again as the next contraction hit you.

"Mama?  Mama hurt?"  Eden had waddled over to your side where you lay in the medical room having escaped from her room.

"Mama's alright, sweetie." you replied.  "Just the baby is coming."

"Baby come?"

"Yes.  Mama's having the baby."  You tried to hold back your cries as the contractions hurt.  "How much more Joseph?"

"Daddy make better?"

"Yes Eden he will."

"Not long, a few more good pushes."

"Eden will protect Mama!" she declared waddling away.  You watched her leave and come back carrying the rough teddy you had sewn her.  "Cheesebur help.." she said placing the teddy on your chest. "Kissy-kissy."

"Thank you, Cheeseburger always protected me." you cried.  "I love you Eden." 

"One more, love." said Joseph.  "Tell Mama to push, Eden."

"Push Mama!"

You screamed long and hard as you pushed as Eden kept encouraging you to push.  Finally you felt the baby move and the sharp cry of a baby.  

"A boy!" he said, "He's very small though."

"Is he alive?"

"Small, but yes, alive."

"Mama had baby?"

"Yes Eden, come and meet your brother."  he placed the small bundle in your arms and covered your lower area from view.  "What shall we call him?" he asked.

"Jacob." you replied.  "A strong name for a small baby.  Hopefully it will make him strong too."

Joseph opened his mouth to reply but nodded and kissed your forehead.

"'ello Ja-ob." said Eden beside you taking a peek.  "He small."

"So were you," you replied.   "Remember Eden, things will change but we will all work together."

"Eden love Ja-ob, Mama and Dada!"

 

**1 year until leaving the bunker - The Deputy**

"Eden!" you called hearing her start coughing once more.

Despite your best efforts and close monitoring the bunker had had a negative effect on both Eden and Jacob when growing up.  Both were small due to the calorie dense but nutrionally poor diet ration packs and tins of beans offered you.  The vitamin tablets you and Joseph took were too strong for the children to take and despite making sure they had vitamin rich elements in their dinner they were still deficient, especially in vitamin D.  You worried as the days counted down towards leaving the bunker.  Would they even survive whatever was out there?  In recent months Eden had begun to develop a soft cough and found her breathing difficult.  But without inhalers you could only encourage her to sit down and hoped it would go away once you were outside.  Jacob seemed to be faring better he was now at the crawling stage and at any given point in the day you would hear Eden follow Jacob giving him instructions.  Bed time had become your new favourite time of day where you would read them both a bedtime story from the small collection for Dutch's Grandkids or from memory.  

However the bunker was also beginning to take it's toll on both you and Joseph.  You were both constantly fatigued and found that now you knew it wouldn't be long until you could leave you both pined for it all the more.  However today was a special day and scraping together what supplies you could you prepared your surprise.

Eden was happily drawing on the bunting you made and decorating a card for Joseph's birthday.  Often you forgot about the difference in your ages but today he would be 50.  Time was finally starting to wear on him as his hair was beginning to grey and he looked weary.  He was still active and affectionate with you and the kids but when you weren't looking you would see him rub at his joints or stare as if lost in his own thoughts.  You hoped that today might help ease some of his burdens.

Plating up dinner you sent Eden to gently wake Joseph from his nap.  Jacob was already sat in his high chair and you had set a place for Eden.  Sleepily, he walked into the room and paused when he saw the spread before him.

"Happy birthday Daddy!" cheered Eden while Jacob clapped.

"My, my, look at all this.  Did you do this all yourself?" he asked.

"Nu-uh, Mama helped!"

"Did she now?"

"Jacob did too."  you replied.  "Come and sit down birthday boy."

"Is that what day it is?" he replied.  "Happy Birthday to me."

The meal was enjoyable and after helping Jacob scoff his meal down you gently rocked him back and forth before you left him to play with Eden.  Joseph had left to pray but that was what felt like an hour ago.  Curious you went in search of him and found him curled on the bed.

"Is everything alright Joseph?" you had never seen him so melancholy.  "Hey talk to me."

Joseph sighed and rolled over to face you.  "I am thinking of the future and my age." he sighed and you waited for him to continue.  "I fear my age is going to hinder us when we get into the world.  I am so very tired.  I am afraid I cannot be enough for you or the children."

"You are enough Joseph," you replied curling up next to him.  "You've worked so hard and been such a rock to us all.  Eden and Jacob are a joy and you gave them so much love.  We will reach Eden's gate Joseph.  You and I.  Remember what you said to me?  We are together forever."

"You're right.  I am letting my fear take away the joy of what I have."

"We'll always be here and anyway, life doesn't end at 50.  Let me get the barricade and put the kids to bed and I'll show you."

 

**1 day until the bunker is opened - The Deputy**

The bunker was tense.  Tomorrow was the day when you would open the bunker and find out what awaited you outside.  You were both anxious for what might be waiting on the other side of the door but yet you couldn't agree on what the best approach would be.

You wanted to leave first and check the surrounding area before coming back for Joseph and the kids.  It was the safest option and one where at least they may survive a little longer if something went wrong.  Joseph on the other hand wanted you all to go and then whatever happened at least you were together.  You had both debated and planned for days but still couldn't agree.  Your weapons and ammunition were prepared thanks to your careful maintenance and Joseph had organised the food and other resources to be split between you.

The children however were in much higher spirits asking lots of questions.  At two and a bit, Jacob was only beginning to say single words and spent a lot of time copying his sister.  Eden loved leading Jacob.  In that way she took a lot after you, caring and being the strong one despite her own weaknesses.  You hoped leaving the bunker might help clear up some of her troubles but you knew there could be many complications.  None of you had been exposed to bacteria for a while and where you and Joseph had an immune system from before the bombs the little ones had no such resistances.  You were glad you and Joseph had used medicine sparingly which gave you a reasonable supply should infection set in.

After what felt like the 100th question you had left Eden with the radio asking Aunty Kim and Uncle Nick question after question until they tapped out and Jess and Grace replaced them.  Jacob was curled up on the sofa of the living room behind you as you and Joseph planned your route to rendezvous with the others.

"Think we should stick to the roads until we've assessed what dangers are out there.  It may be longer but it will be easier for the kids."

"Agreed, but I fear too much reliance on the roads would make us easy pickings for those who remain."

"Well Grace and Jess said they would meet us halfway while the others aimed for Falls End so that would be a boost." You replied.  "But I agree roads are a double edged sword.  But what should we do, Jacob can't handle walking over hills and if you carry him then you leave yourself open as a target."

"Maybe we could find transport?" He offered.

"Potentially if it's not rotted or rusted." You sighed knocking your head on the table.  "My brain hurts." You growled.

You felt a small pat on your head and looked up to Jacob patting your head like you did for him.  He waddled from the sofa and collapsed on your lap like a cat cuddling close.

"Thank you little man." You smiled rubbing his head.

"Rook, if it looks safe could we make one detour?" Asked Joseph who was wrapped in a bear hug by a sleepy Eden.  "I'd like to visit my siblings graves.  It's just over the water."

"It's possible." You replied "but it depends on what the world is like.  We could make it easily but we're on foot..."

"I understand but if we can do it, I want them to know my siblings."

"Alright Joseph, if we can, we will."  you smiled taking his hand.

"Daddy, what's a grave?" asked Eden.

"It's where we bury those who have passed on to heaven.  We can go there to talk to them and to pay our respects."

"But you talk to them all the time," she said. 

Joseph looked at you for guidance but you just shrugged allowing him to lead as you cuddled Jacob against you.   They had seen the pictures Joseph had kept but you hadn't gone much into their history.

"I do, I miss them very much." he said.  "But I remember them and talk to them knowing they are watching over us.  I'm sure Jacob would be amused to know about your brother."

"They would all love you.  John would spoil you rotten and make sure you knew your rights.  Jacob would have protected you and taken you walking in the Whitetail mountains.  Faith, she was a kind soul who wanted to love and protect those she cared for.  She was beautiful and gentle.  They would have adored you both." you said. 

Joseph coughed trying to control unshed tears.  He smiled gratefully at your description of his family.  What point in there in filling their minds hate?  

"What about you Mama?  Who were your family?"

"Well, my Mom and Dad were good people, we didn't want for anything.  I didn't have any siblings but we were happy."

"Were they Deputies?" 

"No, no. They worked in an office.  They hoped that I would do the same but I wanted to be the hero and save people.  Ever since I was little I was always the Cop or the Sheriff in games and as soon as I could I joined academy." you explained.  "Then eventually I became a Junior Deputy."

"That's when you met Daddy!" she giggled.

"Yeah it sure was." you smiled. 

"Was he your prince in shining armour?" she asked "Like the stories you tell me!"

Joseph looked at you expectantly and curious about what you would say.

"I suppose so." you replied with a smile.  "Your Father and I didn't see eye to eye when we met but when I was in desperate need of help.  He was there and we found we had more in common than we thought.  It wasn't love at first sight, but it is true love."

"Awwwwww!" she giggled.  "What about you Daddy?  Did you like Mama?  Was she your princess?"

"She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.  She was fierce and strong and fearless.  Others hated me and threatened me, but she listened and treated me with respect.  Then I found her trapped in a tower in the woods and we made it ours.  We protected each other and we were always destined to be.  I love her beyond measure."

"I love you too." you smiled.  "My Prince."

"My knight," he chuckled.

"I wuv Mama too!" giggle Jacob "I wuv Dada!"

"I love Mama and Daddy too!"

"Come here." he chuckled "Group hug!" 

"Bedtime." you ordered and they ran off.  "Come on Joseph, let's do this together."

As you stood Joseph pulled you into a tight embrace kissing you sweetly.  

"For all our flaws and sins we have committed, every moment with you and our children have been a joy." he whispered against your ear.  "Whatever happens tomorrow, whatever is outside that door I am glad we have had this.  That the Lord granted us this time."

"Me too."

You tucked Jacob and Eden in bed, everything was already packed up and ready to leave.  Tucked in they still were excited and it took two bedtime stories to make them finally drift off.  You both stood entwined in the doorway watching over your children sleep soundly.

"If nothing else Joseph, we brought something good into the world."

"That we did _Deputy."_  he smiled pressing a kiss against your neck.

"But are they ready?  Are we ready?"

"No, but even in fear we must still walk the path to reach our home.  As long as we are together we will survive."

"You're right.  But I'm still the first one out the door with a huge ass gun." you replied.

"You were definitely the Knight in our story." 

"But I'm your princess, my prince." you chuckled kissing his neck.

"Then to bed sweet princess your prince needs you and tomorrow to reach Eden's Gate."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter! What a journey it has been and I have been humbled by the response. It's really helped reignite my enjoyment of writing and I hope you enjoy the final chapter.

  **The Deputy**

"Mama!! Daddy!! It's time to leave!!" 

You groaned as Eden climbed all over you and jumped on the bed.  She was even more excited than when you celebrated Christmas.  Every year she never failed to wake you and Joseph at the crack of dawn.  You slowly came back to Earth and pulled her into a hug and tickled her as Joseph began to wake.

"Morning Eden, it's still early." You mumbled as the young girl giggled trying to escape.

"But it's leaving day!! We get to go outside!" She emphasised. 

You smiled sadly at her innocence.  You forgot she hadn't seen anything but the concrete walls.  For her, today would be a big adventure full of discovery.  For Joseph and yourself it was the moment of truth.  Would it be ash or a haven?  Reluctantly you got out of bed and ushered the kids into the kitchen and set about fixing breakfast.  Joseph joined you and said the final Grace before your travels.  Blissfully unaware the children jabbered on but the tension was thick between you and Joseph.  This was the day his faith would be tested and your strength was needed.

You kissed Joseph softly before leaving to prepare your weapons in the solitude of the armoury.  Unlocking the cages you withdrew everything you needed.  Two 1911's, a couple of modded machine guns, your bow and a heavy machine gun.  Enough for you and Joseph to take down anything you may face.  Your eyes brushed past Jacob's red rifle and you removed it as well.  It would be fitting for his rifle to protect his namesake.  You hoped it would serve you well.  Unpacking the ammunition you would require you loaded up the bags you had prepared and the two remaining sets of body armour of the kids.

Joseph joined you locking the door before leaning against the door.  He looked as tired and anxious as you felt and when you opened your arms to him he collapsed into your touch.

"Do we have to go?" He murmured against your neck.  "How about we go back to bed?"

"Sadly fate waits for no-one and we don't have the food supplies to survive with what's here alone." You replied.  "What's wrong love?"

"What if there is no Eden and everything is ash?  How can we disappoint our children?" He asked, his fears taking control.  

"Then we pick ourselves up, grab the children and make for Bunker 1 and join the others.  We meet our friends, give Eden and Jacob more friends to play with and raise them to be good people.  Then they will get older and they'll get married and you and I will get old and grey together knowing we made something good."

"You make it sound so easy." He sighed.  

"It's going to be long and hard but we have each other." You replied kissing his neck.  "What's brought on this crisis?"

"I've never had so much to lose before.  I just wish the path was clear and easy."

"I know.  I'm scared too, but we are together and that's what matters and we won't be alone anymore."

"Mama!!!!!!!  Dadddyyyy!!!!!" You heard Eden call.

"They need us.  They need us to be strong and loving." You soothed kissing away his tears.  "We can do this.  I mean look at us, a man who built bunkers and lead a cult and me, the woman who conquered a county single handed.  We are strong enough."

"I love you." He said softly.

"I love you too." You smiled.

 

**Joseph**

He watched you leave the small room but needed more time before he could join you.  The Father who had unwavering faith when facing certain doom was now frightened when faced with the rewards of his labour.  In part, the stakes were more personal.  Yes, he loved his flock but they were not his.  The faithful didn't love him for being Joseph Seed.  They loved him for the message and salvation he offered.  They did not love him like you did (although without the collapse you might not have reunited at all.).  Before joining you he retrieved the pictures of his siblings and tucked them in his kit.  He needed their guidance more than ever.

He followed you to where you were helping the children pack things in their small travel bags.  Jacob had securely wrapped the Cheeseburger teddy you had carefully crafted in his blanket and packed him away while Eden chose a notebooks and her princess Peaches cougar toy you had made for her third birthday after Jacob claimed Cheeseburger.  He remembered you making them, tongue bitten in concentration as you made the toys with such love even when it seemed to not work well.

The Bunker truly had become your world and in part he didn't want to leave because this was home.  On one wall in the kitchen diner you had used a marker to log the children's heights over time and the small table ornament for date nights sat on the side.  Everywhere he looked was a memory and for once he didn't want to leave them behind.

"Daddy why are you sad?" Asked Eden.

He sighed and sat on the floor and the little girl sat on his lap.

"Because the bunker is our home.  Your mother and I made many happy memories here.  Like when we celebrated your first birthday and Mama burned the stew." He sighed.  "Lots of happy memories, some not so happy ones and I will miss them."

"I will miss the radio and Wheaty's music." Said Eden.

 

**The Deputy**

"I will miss cuddling on the couch and our bedroom." You replied with a devilish smirk.  "Speaking of the radio, I need to call in with the others and we should be ready to go.  Let's go look at the map."

You stood and carried Jacob into the other room and Eden followed to the giant map on the wall.  You pointed to the small island circled in red.

"This is us." You pointed.  "We are currently under the island and this..." You pointed to the Holland Valley bunker, "...is where Aunt Addie and Aunty Kim and Uncle Nick are.  Aunty Grace and Aunty Jess is going to meet us here."

"That's so far away!" Gasped Eden.

"Not really, it just looks like it on the map.  We're going to walk, but as we travel you need to be very, very quiet because there may be dangerous things out there."

"Yes Mama!" Giggled Eden and Jacob babbled.  

"Bunker 1 come in.  How are you guys doing today?"

_"Hey Dep, it's like everyone has ants in their pants.  A kind of nervous energy." replied Nick, "but we should be opening up on time."_

"Awesome, we'll be leaving on time.  We'll have the hand radio's don't forget."

_"The ladies are itching to meet you guys._ _Take care, and we'll see you soon." he chuckled.  "Be good, kids!"_

"Yes Uncle Nick!" they replied.

"Alright, go to the bathroom, Eden help your brother please, we're going to get our bags."

Eden and Jacob waddled away and you both went to retrieve your bags and weapons.  As you stepped through the heavy doors of the armoury Joseph pulled your wrist and pressed you against the door.  You were about to ask why when he pressed you against the wall and kissed you roughly.  You responded pulling him close and returning the kiss with equal passion and love as you made out like teenagers.  You broke apart when you heard the children return but for a few moments you took in each other's presence with a forehead press.  

"Time to go." you said lifting your heavy pack and having your rifle to hand you headed towards the bunker door opening the inner safety doors which opened slowly after being unused for so long.  All that was left was the outer door.  

"Wait, before we go.  Let us pray one last time?  Please?"

"Of course."

You all sat down around Joseph, holding hands.

"Our heavenly Father, we come to you now on before we venture into the Eden you promised so long ago.  We ask now that you watch over us and in our time of need guide us to safety.  Please watch over my wife, Eden and little Jacob whom I hold dear.  Please.  Amen."

"Me! Me!" Giggled Eden.  "Dear God, please look after Mama and Daddy and make then happy.  Please keep us safe from monsters and help Mama kick their ass."

Joseph smiled warmly and nuzzled against Eden.  "Come on then..."

"Wait Joseph," you began.  "I'd like to try." 

He looked surprised but gestured for you to continue.  It was the first time you felt the need to pray.

"Ok big guy, you and I have never really seen eye to eye but Joseph believes in you and I believe in him.  This collapse was all your fault but he has been devoted to you and now it's time to deliver.  I've never asked for anything before but I suppose we are facing a great test.  Please protect Jacob and Eden, they have known nothing of pain or the world.  Please protect Joseph.  He was not who I imagined spending my life with, but thanks to you I cannot be without him.  Please, please protect him.  Protect us.  You know just in case I fail."

"You won't." Joseph reassured.

"Come on then.  Let's go.  Joseph take that side of the door.  Kids stay in the washroom til we call for you ok?"

"Yes Mama!" Called Eden.

"Okay Rook, let's do this." Said Joseph his resolve stronger.

"(Y/n), My name is (y/n)" you replied.  "I'm trusting you with it so don't you dare think about dying or leave me behind!"

Joseph kissed you one last time, sweet and full of longing, and promises left unsaid.  It had been such a long road and you had worked together to get here through all the sorrow and joy.  It was all for this moment.  You may not have followed God or believed in his higher plan but in a moment of clarity before you faced the unknown you looked at Joseph and felt at peace within yourself.  The collapse may have torn apart the world but you had remade it in the bunker.  Whatever lay out there you would face it together, as a family.

"I love you Joseph."

"I love you (y/n)"

And together, you opened the door to your new world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed their story. The story of The Cabin and their path is ended for now, but I may come back and write more if it's wanted as one shots etc.
> 
> I've really enjoyed the fandom so far and I hope to have a Jacob x Reader story started in the next few days if anyone is interested!  
> Thank you so much for your support and kind words and I wish you all a wonderful time!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! This is something I'm writing for fun that has distracted me and I got the courage to share. I hope you liked it!


End file.
